Another Trip Around The Sun

I went to the gym today to do my final workout of 2016. It was a trip. I don't know that I have ever seen that place packed with more people. Also, I was really excited because we got a new rowing machine, and even though it was full today, I can't wait to use it Monday! I have a love/hate relationship with going to the gym in January. I've written about this before, but I love to see how many new people join to fulfill their resolutions for the new year. But I hate to see the numbers become less and less as the year goes on. The gym is one of my favorite places to be. I love pushing myself to places I didn't think I could go. I would love to see all of the January newbies stay through December. That being said, I don't really care much for New Year resolutions. Don't get me wrong, I love making goals. But, for some reason, New Year resolutions seem to be less attainable goals. The last few years, I have picked a theme word or phrase for my year. I'll get to that. But before I do, I think that a new year is a good time to reflect on the past. Not to dwell or regret, but to smile, laugh, cringe and think about what the next year can look like. 

I'm really excited that my best friend agreed to join me on this one as a guest blogger. I kind of love her and you should too! Check her blog out at: Life In The Coffee Lane. (Also, yes, we definitely sent out Best-Friend Christmas cards. It's a new thing.)

10 Accomplishments (Alisa)
1. Speaking out for the things I’m passionate about
I’ve learned that it’s ok to not be silent about what I believe. I’m going to continue to speak out against the things that make my blood boil.
2. Doing things for me
I’ve done a better job of giving myself priority, of saying no to things I don’t need to do, and of choosing to get out there and do things for myself.
3. Beaver season tickets
Honestly my favorite purchase of 2016 – I can’t wait for next year!
4. Evaluating myself and my views about the world
This evaluation has been enlightening. I’ve finally come to realize where I stand politically, and have a new fire in my heart to speak out and stand up for humanity.
5. Graduating to preschool
This is far less stinky. Much fewer poopy diapers.
6. New family members
Not necessarily my accomplishment – but still fun to welcome Travis and Kaisha in to our crazy family. And also baby Skarlett. She just has no choice but to be a part of our family.
7. Hiring a personal trainer
Second best purchase of 2016 – I can’t wait to see the changes that happen this year!
8. Really thinking about and trying to live Jesus’ love for the world
Again – back to fighting for humanity – my goal is to love the way Jesus loves and to stick up for those who don’t have anyone to stick up for them.
9. Voting – even though I didn’t want to
Seriously a huge accomplishment. It took me two days, and I had to watch White Christmas to even get through my ballot.
10. Trusting God when I didn’t want to listen
This was the hardest accomplishment. That still, small voice inside. That’s a real thing. And worth it every time to listen to Him.
11. Rereading the Harry Potter series. Again. My yearly tradition (bonus)
Yes. Just so much yes.

10 Highlights (accomplishments, best memories) (Cori)
1. Moving to the west side in my own apartment
2. Being offered a leadership opportunity at work
3. Given more responsibility and trust at work
4. Rebuilding a relationship with cousins I had but on the back burner
5. Being a part of Norah’s life
6. Watching Miranda and Jordan become amazing parents to a beautiful baby girl
7. Finally understanding the importance of quality friends over quantity of friends
8. Gaining more confidence in myself and coming to terms that I like who I am and what I am doing with my life
9. Stepping outside of my comfort zone and making new friends
10. Having accomplished my goal of reading 75 books this year (nerd alert!)

10 Disappointments (Alisa)
Disclaimer: A lot of these disappointments are about my relationship with Marcus. I don't want you to think that he's not a good guy. He is. He's just not good for me.
1. Staying in an unhealthy relationship for so long, even though I knew it was unhealthy
Mostly I’m disappointed in myself because I could recognize that the relationship was unhealthy, but wouldn’t let myself get out of it earlier.
2. Losing sight of my joy
This also has to do with that unhealthy relationship. I wanted the future so badly that I let my joy dissipate little by little.
3. Letting others dictate my happiness and self-worth
See above – this relationship thing had a huge impact.
4. Losing focus on my time with Jesus
Again, see above.
5. Unwanted weight
I tried so hard for so long because Marcus wanted me to exercise a certain way that I gained some weight back once we broke up. That will change.
6. Letting someone else tell me how to feel my emotions
This was probably the biggest realization, and by far the biggest reason I broke up with Marcus. I was being told how to feel and experience my emotions. I was being told I couldn’t cry, because he didn’t want a “weak wife” one day. I started to try and change who I was and how I felt things, and I couldn’t be more grateful that I put a stop to that before it got worse.
7. Not watching the Sound of Music enough
I don’t know that I even watched it once in 2016. That may happen tonight.
8. Not going to Disneyland
It’s been 11 years. That’s WAY too long.
9. Not getting my acceptance letter to Hogwarts
This may sound like a joke to you, but it’s real. I’m still waiting. It’s just been held up in the Owlery for the past 15 years.
10. Not going skiing
I really would LOVE to ski again. Anyone want to plan a trip with me?

10 Disappointments (failures, missed opportunities) (Cori)
1. Applying and not getting into a doctorate program I was excited for
2. Saying goodbye to a cousin I loved dearly
3. Losing a friendship that had meant the world to me
4. Revealing I liked a person and not having that returned
5. Trying online dating and having two dates that did not turn out well
6. Saying goodbye to a supervisor that I cherished
7. Letting my stubbornness drive away a person I cared for
8. Being prejudice towards a new supervisor
9. Letting someone tell me I was not good enough and believing it
10. Using anger to fuel my need for acceptance

3 Game Changers (Alisa)
1. Marcus – relationship and breakup
I learned a lot. I loved hard. I changed too much. 2017 will be about finding myself again and learning how to love again in a healthy way.
2. The wedding
Not only did I gain a brother and a niece, I had a huge, impactful conversation with my dad that made me think about my relationship with Marcus (without him even knowing half of what the relationship looked like).
3. Humanity
It’s been a tough year for humanity – but it’s been a blessing to me to realize the impact I want to have for people.


3 Game Changers (unexpected events that shifted your priorities) (Cori)
1. A best friend finding someone else to rely on
2. A new opportunity at work that could boost my status in the field
3. Finding my God-given mission to help change myself

3 Things You Focused On (Alisa)
1. Relationships
Good and bad – I focused A LOT of attention on relationships.
2. The future
Marcus and I talked a lot about the future. We made plans. They didn’t happen. Once we broke up, I had to reevaluate that future. That’s about where I’m at going in to 2017.
3. Other people and their opinions
This was huge. Too huge for me. I need to remember that what other people think does not matter. All that matters is what God thinks and who He created me to be.

3 Things you Focused on (what you put most of your time into) (Cori)
1. Who I am
2. Being the best child and family therapist I can be
3. How to be more open and sharing what I am truly feeling, instead of hiding it and pretending I am okay

3 Things You Forgot (Alisa)
1. I forgot to rely on prayer as much as I should
I’ve started to change this again. I know my God is a God who hears and answers.
2. God made me to experience emotion the way I do on PURPOSE and for a purpose.
I’m a feeler. That’s how He made me and that’s how I’ll stay.
3. I don’t need to change for anyone.
Will I grow? Absolutely. I don’t want to be stagnant in my relationship with God. But I’m not going to change to get acceptance from anyone.

3 Things You Forgot (what you didn’t get around to) (Cori)
1. Saying sorry (help me out JB!)
2. To say goodbye
3. Trusting myself

Reflection (Alisa)
2016 was a year of lessons for me. It was a year to learn who I am, what I believe and to relearn the things I should be focusing on. I am thankful that I have grown through every thing that has happened this year, and especially thankful that God uses our pain to bring His peace and joy. I look forward to 2017 and a year of more growth, more opportunity and more change. Bring it on!

Reflection (how does this inform your plans for next year?) (Cori)
- For this next year I plan on applying to a different doctoral program with more confidence and understanding in what I am aiming for.
- Being able to be myself and not change to please others
- Feeling confident in the woman that God has made me and not hide that
- Knowing that people can change and that it is okay to talk about the pain it may cause
- Reminding myself that each day is a new adventure and that I have a support system that will love me and care for me every step of the way.

I decided I'm going to LEAP into 2017 this year. Leap is going to be my theme word. And because I'm me, leap is of course an acronym, and for all intents and purposes, LEAP is my New Year resolution. 

Love
Expectation
Adventure
Purpose

Love: First of all, I'm going to focus on loving God more than ever. I need to spend more time studying the Word, praying and focus my heart on Him every day. From that love for Him, I'm going to love myself more. I'm going to take time to do things I love. I'm going to look into options for my future, and I'm going to focus on the way I talk to myself about myself. By loving God more and loving myself more, I will be able to love people more fiercely and more boldly than ever. 2017 is going to be a year of bold, crazy, intense love. 

Expectation: I'm going to live with expectation. The expectation that my God answers prayers. The expectation that I can and will accomplish my goals and dreams. The expectation that I can get through trials and hurdles because I don't live by my own strength. The expectation that 2017 will be better than 2016. 

Adventure: I sure love adventure. I am looking forward to living an adventurous 2017. I don't know what that will look like exactly yet, but I'm guessing there will be more hikes, more spontaneous trips, and more meeting new people. Adventure is out there! Embrace and love the journey. 

Purpose: I am going to live my life on purpose, while pursuing the purpose God has for my life. I'm going to purposely seek out those who need love. I'm going to stand up for those who need standing up for. I'm going to purpose to be a better friend, daughter, granddaughter, sister and aunt. I'm going to live lifrom with purpose and with passion. I'm going to love with passion. I'm puprosely going to be active: physically, spiritually, mentally and in the way I stick to and live out the things I believe and am passionate about. 

So here we go, 2017, I'm leaping for you! 

As always, love fiercely and love boldly.

Christmas Isn't Everyone's Favorite

I remember the moment I got the news. I was at work. I didn't have time to process what I was hearing. I couldn't grasp the reality and the magnitude of the tragedy. I gave all the kids extra hugs as I left on that chilly December day four years ago. I got in the car and turned on the radio, only to hear more about it. I made it about a quarter of a mile before I was struck with the reality of grief for families I didn't know.

When I got home, I turned on the Christmas tree lights and sat by the tree for a long time in disbelief and in grief. I prayed, I cried and I wrote in my journal. I found that journal today:

I began to realize that in times like these, people doubt God. They question Him. "Do you really care?" "If you were really here...how could you let this happen?" "How could a loving God let twenty children get murdered?" It is also in these times that God wants to grab us up into His arms, hold onto our faces and say, "I am here. I have been here throughout eternity and will continue into eternity. I have never left. You must understand, my heart hurts too. My heart is grieving with you. I am crying too, while my heart breaks. Let me hold you, wrap you in my arms so you can see how much I love you. Pray with me. I am sovereign. I am love. I need you to be love to these people. Show them how great I AM through the storm. I WILL make all things new. I WILL conquer. I WILL wipe away every tear, eliminate death. I WILL win. Remember, I have already won. Trust me, child. Trust me.

I just couldn't believe that eleven days before Christmas, twenty babies and six adult babies would be missing from their family's celebration because of one man's actions. As I spent some time in prayer and reflection today, I wrote the names of each victim on my coffee cup. It was my simple way to honor their memory, even four years later.

School shootings hit me hard. They always do. I work with kids so I just can't fathom the horrific scenario. But this one hit just a little harder, I think because most of the victims were so little. One of my biggest fears is losing my children. I know I don't have any children yet, but it is a deep deep desire of mine to one day be a mommy. I also have so many kids in my life that I just can't imagine the pain of losing any of those precious ones.

Christmas is my favorite. We get to celebrate the birth of Christ, we get to give gifts to those we love, and we get to be surrounded by our family and friends. But not everyone loves Christmas as much as I do, and not everyone looks forward to it. For a lot of people, Christmas brings grief, sorrow and pain. A lot of this pain is rooted in loss - divorce, death and abandonment. These things are real and they hurt. These are the things that Christ came for. He came to be with us in the times that we are hurt and grieving. He also promises in Revelation 21 that there will be a time when all our tears will be wiped away. There will be no more pain, no more sorrow, no more hurt and suffering. He came so we can know this place by loving Him, and accepting His sacrifice. We owe Him everything, yet we don't have to pay anything. It's the perfect gift. We just get to be with Him in Heaven forever.

It's crazy to think about everything that happened just in 2016. I won't make a list of everything, but just highlight a few things heavy on my heart right now. I saw a picture on Facebook of someone's Christmas tree. They had taken the time to write down all of the names of officers and K-9s killed this year. It was sobering to see how full the tree was. As a daughter and sister of police officers, I love that idea as a way to honor and remember the fallen. Christmas is going to be hard for each and every one of those families. I also think about my friends who lost their son in January. This is the first Christmas since he passed. I think about my best friend who lost her cousin to cancer this year, and then about everyone (including my family) who has suffered loss because of cancer. I think of all the mamas who have lost babies to miscarriage, stillbirth and of those who have just lost their babies. I think of the families of those who have taken their own lives because they feel hopeless, lost and alone. I think about the people I love who are struggling every day with their mental health. I can't imagine how hard their Christmases will be. I think about the people living in the streets and how hard it must be, especially this time of year. I think about the division in our country and those who are suffering from oppression and those who are blinded to it. I pray that we, as a country, can find a way to unite, stand together, love and fight for everyone. Finally, I think of the humanitarian crisis in Aleppo. I think of all those people who have suffered so much, and how Christmas will be hard for them. Reading the tweets makes it even more real and heart-wrenching.

As Christmas is only eleven days away, I can't help but reflect on the hard things, and pray for the people experiencing grief in this season. I urge you to be there for the people around you who you know are suffering, are in pain or are grieving. Help people. Even if you don't know them. Even if you don't have much to give. As Mrs. Lovett sings about in Sweeney Todd, "Times is hard." I get it. But even if you don't have much or anything to give, look for ways to help. It could be as simple as spreading the word, or as tangible as inviting a homeless person in for a meal and shower. Look for opportunities to make a positive impact on someone who is suffering.

Remember that Jesus is the reason we can celebrate and have joy this Christmas. Even in suffering, He is there. Even in grief, He is there. He came as a baby, lived a completely holy life, and paved the way for us to spend forever with Him by dying on the cross. If you want to know more about His perfect, never-ending love and sacrifice, I'd love to share more with you.

As always, love fiercely and love boldly.

I'm With You.

I wore a safety pin today. One of my kids at school asked me about it. So I told him I am wearing it so people know I'm a safe person to talk to. A while later his friend noticed it and asked me. Instead of me having to be the one to explain, the first child said, "It's so people know she's safe to talk to." They are three and four. They get it. They get that people might not feel safe so they need to know who is ok to talk to, and who is going to stand with them.

I was humbled by this four year old responding to his friend so quickly and matter-of-factly. It was so sweet, but it also made me sad. We live in a world where children witness violence, hatred and discrimination every single day. Kids humble me because they not only see and understand more than we give them credit for, but they see and speak truth. They see good in people when the world seems to be falling apart. My prayer is that kids will always see the good in all people. No matter what. Period. End of story.

I am broken right now. I am shocked, saddened and infuriated by the rise in hate crimes. I am appalled by the division in our country in a time we need unity. And I'm proud of the people I know who are standing up for the marginalized, the abused, the hated - the same ones Jesus would be loving the heck out of if He were here walking with us today. Jesus talks about loving the poor. He talks about loving the oppressed. He broke social norms and used His power and His love to attract and to welcome the marginalized. He sat with the tax collectors and the prostitutes. He seeks and He saves those who are lost. He extends grace. He loves the unloved and the unlovable. One of my absolute favorite passages in the Bible is Matthew 25:31-46:

“31 When the Son of Man comes in His glory, and all the holy angels with Him, then He will sit on the throne of His glory. 32 All the nations will be gathered before Him, and He will separate them one from another, as a shepherd divides his sheep from the goats. 33 And He will set the sheep on His right hand, but the goats on the left. 34 Then the King will say to those on His right hand, ‘Come, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: 35 for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; 36 I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me.’

37 “Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink? 38 When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothe You? 39 Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ 40 And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’

41 “Then He will also say to those on the left hand, ‘Depart from Me, you cursed, into the everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels: 42 for I was hungry and you gave Me no food; I was thirsty and you gave Me no drink; 43 I was a stranger and you did not take Me in, naked and you did not clothe Me, sick and in prison and you did not visit Me.’

44 “Then they also will answer Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to You?’ 45 Then He will answer them, saying, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.’ 46 And these will go away into everlasting punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.”

You guys, God isn't asking us to only support and be there for and love those who look exactly like us. He calls us to love all. To love the least of these. He calls us to love the ones who are deemed by society as unlovable. So that's what I will do. I am wearing a safety pin because Jesus asks me to love those who are cast out by society. I am wearing a safety pin because there are people who have never experienced the unimaginable, powerful, amazing love of Jesus because the Christians they have met are judgmental, and make them feel as if they are unwelcome and unwanted in the Kingdom God invites all who believe in Him to enter. I am wearing a safety pin so I can share the same Gospel I love and believe with everyone not necessarily only by the words I speak, but by the actions I take and the way that I love people wholeheartedly.

I can't stop there though. Wearing a safety pin is not enough.

I will speak up when I see discrimination. I will stand up for those being discriminated against. I won't tolerate it.

I will speak up when I see abuse. I will stand up for those being abused - emotionally, verbally, physically and sexually. I won't tolerate it.

I will speak up against hatred. I will stand up for those who are hated. I won't tolerate it.

I will speak up against the stigma surrounding mental health. I will stand up for those experiencing all different types of mental health struggles. I won't tolerate people disregarding the struggle.

I will be silent so that when you need to be heard, you have a safe place to talk. I refuse to laugh at you when you cry, brush it off as if it's no big deal, tell you to suck it up, but will cry with you, affirm your feelings, and ask you how I can support you. I will love you relentlessly.

I was born into white privilege. I probably will never understand exactly what you are going through. I am a Christian. I may not agree with everything you believe or think. I am straight. I may not agree with or live your lifestyle. But I will not judge you if you come to me. I will not make you feel like less than you are because of who you are. If my two little three and four year olds can get it, maybe some other people can too.

Hakuna Matata

I told my best friend and myself that I was not going to write about the election. But here I am, Election Day 2016, writing about the election. I've never really been that into politics. It wasn't really a topic at my house. My parents didn't tell us who they were voting for and I never usually even knew who was running. I liked it that way. Sometimes I get nostalgic and think about how much easier life was as a kid, with that Hakuna Matata mentality. I didn't have to worry about if I was voting for the right person, choosing the right health care or figuring out life after a heartbreaking breakups. All I had to worry about was what my Barbies were going to do after school and which book I was going to read next (this is still a daily struggle).

Election day seems like a good day to reflect on our country and our freedom. We live in a country where women are allowed to vote. I never want to take that for granted. I hold that right dear to my heart and even though I didn't like the two main options I am thankful also that we are not limited to two candidates. Is it likely that a third party candidate will be elected? No. But is it possible? Yes. As a woman living in America I will not skip out on an election just because I don't like two people because less than 100 years ago, I would have been considered ineligible.

My preschoolers and I talked about the election today and how wonderful it is that the election falls on the same week as Veterans Day. When I asked them what day it was, most of the answers were "Tuesday" "Thursday" or "Psalm 100:4" but a couple of them have been listening and one girl answered "the day we get a new president!" I know you all know this, but kids watch. As they watch, they learn. Is the behavior we have modeled for our kids during this election the behavior we want the future leaders of our country to exhibit? I guarantee that if I had young children right now, I would go out of my way to make sure that they didn't see the example that many have set. I would have made sure to keep the election talk at minimum while the kids were around and protect their precious ears from the malice and hate on both sides of the spectrum.

One of my strongest desires is to one day have a family and children of my own. I've thought a lot about their character, and the kind of children I want to raise. I want my children to be well rounded in their activities and interests. I never want to limit their minds. I never once want them to believe they can't do something. I never want to tell my child that their dream is too big or wrong. I want them to know that they are loved beyond all measure by me and by the God who created them.

Which is why, above everything else, I want my children to grow up knowing and trusting the Lord. I want His Spirit to fill them in all they say and do. Tomorrow I'm teaching at youth group. And not ironically, but because God works in amazing ways, part of what we will be doing is breaking down the Fruits of the Spirit, which happen to be the same character qualities I pray my children exhibit in their daily lives.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law." Galatians 5:22-23

As I pray these for my children, it looks like this:
Love: I pray they love others as Jesus loves them - wholly, without bounds, and that they love those who are deemed unlovable.
Joy: I pray that no matter what their lives bring, God's joy would overpower them through every trial.
Peace: I pray that they feel the peace that surpasses all understanding in every trial and in every high. I pray also that they become peacemakers and exhibit God's character through their lives.
Longsuffering: I hate praying for patience, because it means God is going to give us situations we will need to use it. But I pray that when those times come, my children remember their patient and loving Father and show the same grace to everyone who needs it.
Kindness: I pray my children are kind to everyone they meet, and never let differences divide them from loving and being kind.
Goodness: I pray my children choose to be good to glorify God, not themselves or even me as their mother.
Faithfulness: I pray my children are faithful to those they love, but mostly I pray they are faithful to the calling God has upon their lives.
Gentleness: I pray that my children would treat others with gentleness and be forgiving when it's so hard to forgive. I pray also they would remember that forgiveness is not diminishing the wrongdoing but taking power and control over it, and choosing to forgive as Christ forgave us.
Self-control: I pray for my children to have self-control when faced with anger, joy, sorrow and temptation.

Step back a minute and look at this list. Now think about this election season. How did we do?

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law."

Love: Did you love everyone fiercely, even if they didn't agree with you?
Joy: When all is said and done, will you still have joy that you live in a free country where you have been given the right to vote? Even more, can you find joy in Christ, the Giver of joy?
Peace: Will you have peace if your candidate doesn't win? God gives us peace when things don't go our way because ultimately His plan is greater. Were you a peacemaker when the debates between friends got nasty?
Longsuffering: Were you patient when people said bad things about your candidate or did you lash out?
Kindness: Have you been kind in disagreement, or have you tried to prove you are right maliciously and without grace?
Goodness: Did you show the goodness of your heart or did evilness shine through?
Faithfulness: Did you vote true to your beliefs and were you faithful to your heart and what you believe about God in this election?
Gentleness: Were you gentle when others wouldn't relent?
Self-control: Did you have self-control when it came to the words you used against the candidates, their parties and their supporters?

No matter what the result of this election, I challenge and urge you to think about the character we want to model for our children. What kind of adults are we teaching them to be when we can't disagree peacefully? Ultimately, we are going to be ok. We can make it through the next four years. No matter what. But what we can't do in these next four years is show our children that it's ok to disagree maliciously, violently and hatefully. We can't show our children that the President determines the character in which we live our lives. But what we CAN do is unite. We can unite in purpose for a better America. We can unite in love for a more gracious America. We can unite in the way we stand up for people of all occupations, backgrounds, races, religions, sexual orientations, developmental abilities and physical abilities. We can give our children an idea of what it truly means to love people despite the differences.

It's so easy to turn to fear when we don't know what the future holds. But I am absolutely confident in my God's sovereign ability to reign over every aspect of our lives. Yes, even our country. Bad leaders are not foreign to Him. I am absolutely confident that whoever will be leading this country for the next four years is not greater than our God. He has the ultimate power and He has a plan for His people. No matter who is elected President, when this is all over, Jesus will always be King. That's what I taught my kids today. I told them that we have the power to vote, and that we don't always win, but we really do win because we have Jesus. So hakuna matata. No more worrying about this. Let God be in control and reign. He is bigger and more powerful.

We ended our circle time by honoring our veterans and our freedom through singing God Bless the USA. I'm thankful to live in this country. I'm thankful for the power to vote. I'm thankful that I can share my heart without fear of being thrown in jail because I am a Christian. Most of all, I'm thankful for my freedom in Christ, that my identity is found and secure in Him, and that He holds my future.

"If tomorrow all the things were gone I'd worked for all my life
And I had to start again with just my children and my wife
I'd thank my lucky stars to be livin' here today
'Cause the flag still stands for freedom and they can't take that away

And I'm proud to be an American where at least I know I'm free
And I won't forget the men who died, who gave that right to me
And I'd gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today
'Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land
God bless the USA"

Never stop praying for our nation, and for whoever the next POTUS is. Never stop showing grace, love and mercy to everyone. Walk in the Spirit live in the Spirit, and let those fruits shine in your life.

"And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another." Galatians 5:24-26

It's Time To Wake Up.

I'm sure you have all heard or read parts of Martin Luther King Jr's famous "I Have A Dream" speech. But if you have never read the entire thing, I urge you to pause reading my blog...it will still be here...and go read it. It's powerful, and it's just as relevant now as it was on August 28,1963.

We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of Now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children.

Now is the time to realize that we have gone back in time. We are at war with ourselves again. We are fighting a fight that should have ended a long time ago. I look around and I see fear in the black community. I see the fear of getting shot during a routine traffic stop, or while their car is broken down. I have no tolerance for this. I'm done. I'm done hearing about innocent black lives being taken. I'm done hearing about police brutality. I'm done hearing the phrase "all lives matter" while white people brush over the fact that in this privileged society we live in, some lives sure seem to matter more than others.

I grew up thinking I had to be color blind. I was afraid to offend people by acknowledging that they were different than me. But there is a reality that I know and love:

I am White.

You are Black.

You are Korean.

You are Native American.

You are Arab.

You are Syrian.

I am a Christian.

You are Muslim.

You are Hindu.

You are Jewish.

You are Agnostic.

You are Atheist.

And I love you the same. But I can't say that all lives matter when I look on my news feed and see the hate, the discrimination, the injustice that is being done every single day. I can't say all lives matter when my friend is afraid to go out because another innocent black man just got shot. We want to be comfortable. All lives matter sounds comfortable. It sounds nice, fluffy and sweet. It sounds like we are embracing each other with open arms and uniting as one people. It's what we want. But "all lives matter" denies the fact that racism is still being fought every day. It fails to acknowledge the fact that we have been pretending for more than fifty years to be a nation united, regardless of race, when in reality, we have caused the same kind of division and separation the Civil Rights Movement fought so hard to get rid of. Now is the time to realize that Black lives matter too.

Now is the time to stand with the Black community in unity and in love. Now is the time to find peace. Now is not the time to engage in violent protests against police. Most police officers really are out there to do good for their community. Now is instead the time to stand together with our officers, and speak out against prejudice and injustice together. Now is not the time to take a knee during the National Anthem when you are mad at police officers. We sing the National Anthem to acknowledge the men and women who died for our country. Now is the time to stand together, arms linked in unity. Now is the time to build a bridge over the divide in our communities. Now is the time to stand as one nation, under God. "Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children." Now is the time to take off those colorblind glasses you've been wearing for years and acknowledge and embrace our differences in a way that glorifies God and brings people together with peace and unity.

More than ever, now is the time to pray.

We need to pray for eyes to see all people the way God sees us.

We need to pray for unity in our communities.

We need to pray that Black people wouldn't have to be afraid to walk out the door without getting shot.

We need to pray that God would bring peace to our communities.

We need to pray that we can stand together and fight for justice for all people, without using the ignorant and comfortable phrase "all lives matter".

We need to pray for opportunities to stand with our brothers and sisters in the Black community.

We need to pray for God's Word to spread, and for His message of hope to be our driving force.

We need to pray that ultimately, in all our actions, Christ's name is glorified above all.

Christians, it's time to wake up and pray for God to take the blinders off of your eyes so you can see what is happening all around you.

Grab my arm, say a prayer, and let's stand together for justice and unity. Please, no more violence. No more hatred. No more discrimination. Just love each other the way Jesus loves us. Sacrificially, wholeheartedly, without boundaries and unconditionally.

The God Who Hears

I am amazed at God's faithfulness. I am humbled by His love for me. I am in awe of His favor and the way He faithfully answers our prayers. All the time When we mess up, He is perfect. When we choose to follow our own plans, even though we know they are wrong, sinful or not His will, He is faithful. He is constant when we are not. he is just when we are not. He is strong when we feel weak and don't see the good that He will bring. He is peace when life is messy. He is hope when we are broken. And He is joy all the time.

I love prayer. I love talking to God as if He were standing in front of me. I love that when I mess up and confess, He still forgives me and still loves me the same. I love starting my day in prayer, and not stopping to say "amen" until I go to bed at night. As much as I love talking to God about everything, all the time, I admit that sometimes I get so distracted in my own stuff - stuff I could and should be bringing to God - that i don't pray. Prayer shouldn't be something that we have to remind ourselves to do. It should be as natural as breathing.

One of my favorite things about working at Riviera is that we are able to pray with the kids, and we encourage them to pray as well. We have our cute little prayer songs for the younger kids as an introduction - thanking God for the food, friends, apple trees and the birds that sing. I love to help develop little prayer warriors in these kids. This summer I've had the kindergarten and first graders. They are at a kind of awkward age where they think the singing prayers are kind of silly and cheesy, but don't really know what to say when they pray without them. I've had multiple kids with the passion and desire to pray, but when it comes time to do it, they "don't remember what to say" or "don't know how." My response is always the same: "You don't have to be perfect. Just talk to God the way you would talk to a friend. Thank Him, and tell Him what is going on." A few times, these meal time prayers have turned into moments where the children share their hearts of gratitude before God. They don't realize they have little hearts of gratitude, but they thank Him for every little thing in their life: moms, dads, step-moms, step-dads, dogs, cats and anything they think of at the time. Their prayers remind me to not only to be more grateful, but also to have gratitude in every little thing. No matter how little it seems to us, God wants us to come to Him, and He answers.

God desires for us to pray without ceasing. He calls us to not be anxious about anything, to not worry about anything, but to bring everything to Him in prayer and petition with thanksgiving. He knows our hearts. He knows what is going on with us, but wants us to come to Him still. He is omniscient, but still asks us to bring our requests to Him as if He is hearing them for the first time. Prayer brings us close to God. Prayer is our way of communicating with the One who created us.

I think that one of my favorite prayers is the prayer without words. It's those times where you just come to God without knowing what to say. It's in those moments I feel extra close to Him. Greater than friends finishing each others sentences, the Holy Spirit intercedes for us and prays the things we can't find words for. I've had moments like these in the last few weeks. Moments of heartbreak and moments of joy where I don't know exactly what needs to be prayed, or how to pray it. And in each moment I have felt peace, because I know God hears me, He knows my heart and He knows exactly what I need, even though I don't.

Another thing that I've learned from the kids and youth that I work with is to pray the impossible. We have one girl in our small group who always prays for "thing one and thing two". To us, it is silly, odd, nonsensical, and maybe even impossible. But between her and God, it means something. Her child-like faith in God is big enough that she has the confidence to pray seemingly nonsensical prayers. I used to think that some prayers are just too much to bring to God. I mean, He had bigger things to worry about so my big thing was just too much to add to His plate. There are times still that I am tempted to slip right back into this thought. I'm not sure where this distorted thinking came from but it just needs to go away. Because here is the thing: God's power is unmatchable. It's bigger than we can imagine. It's unmeasurable. It's one of those things we will never understand, unless He tells us when we are face to face with Him in Glory. Nothing is too big for Him. NOTHING! Our God is still the God of the impossible. He still makes impossible things happen. And He always answers our prayers - the tiny ones, the big ones and the ones that seem impossible.

I am confident He always answers. It's not always the answer we want, but there is always an answer: "Yes," "Not right now," or "I have something greater planned." We don't always understand His answer, but it's always good. As a leadership team for our youth group, we read through Bob Goff's book Love Does. It is challenging to think of greater ways to love our students the way Jesus loves us. A couple weeks ago, the chapter talked about impossible prayers.

God delights in answering our impossible prayers...Prayers asking for the things we couldn't possibly think could happen for us or someone else. Ones we might even feel a little bad saying, as if it's just asking God for too much. But what I forget is that we're talking to a God who knows that what we need the most is to return to Him, to return to our lives...God searches for us, no matter what dark place we're in or what door we're behind. He hears our impossible, audacious prayers for ourselves and others. And He delights in forgiving us and then answering those prayers by letting us return home to HIm...When we take Jesus up on His promises, He doesn't just stand in our lives knocking. He rips our small view of Him and what He can make possible right off the hinges.

We shouldn't feel bad when coming to God with the "impossible" prayers. He wants our hearts. He hears and answers our prayers. In the season I'm in right now, I'm asking God for big things. I'm asking Him to bring me amazing opportunities and allow me to be used for His glory in ways I could have only dreamed about before. If His answer is "yes," I will praise Him with my life and bring Him honor and glory through the opportunities I am given. If the answer is "not right now," or "I have something greater planned," I will praise Him with my life and bring Him honor and glory through the opportunities I am given. Even when His answer is not exactly what we want, His plans are greater than our own, and He still deserves our honor and praise in every single thing.

I challenge you, as I challenge myself, have faith like a child. "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Pray about the tiny things - pray about the huge things. Don't let anything seem too little or too big for God. Have a heart of gratitude and praise. I challenge you to take a day and begin in prayer. The challenge isn't praying to start your day, but not saying "Amen" until you lay your head down at night, so that your thoughts are completely directed toward God. Pray always, without ceasing, don't worry, because God's got you.

What is your impossible, audacious prayer? I would love to join you in praying to our God who hears and always answers.

Breakups, Heartbreak and My God in the Midst

This is about to be really real. It's about to be really raw. And it's about to be really emotional. Partly because it's 3 in the morning when I'm starting this and partly because breaking up is hard.

I'm a feeler. My parents are both feelers. My grandpa is a feeler. I had no hope to not feel. I feel deeply. And I wear my heart on my sleeve. So as I went to bed on the 4th, I could sense the breakup coming. And I could feel the push from God saying that it is time. I didn't want to. Not one part of me wanted to end things with the man I deeply love. In fact, my initial and honest response wanted to be disobedience. I went to bed thinking we were broken up and woke up with a message saying that we were still together. It wasn't all pretty after that. In fact, it was pretty ugly. I think breaking up is probably one of the worst things ever. But I also think that, when you're really in love with someone,but you know that you need to part ways, or you know you aren't the best for that other person or you just know something isn't right, it's better for everyone to just accept the pain. does it suck? Absolutely. It sucks so much more than I could have ever imagined. Sorry Mom, I know you hate that word, but there's no other way to say it. When you love someone, you want what is best for their life. And when you realize that you aren't the best, it's time to move forward and part ways. And I still love him. So the best thing I can do, because I know it was the right decision, is to pray for him. For his happiness, his future, his son, his peace, his growth and his success.

As much as I didn't want this, because no one ever wants heartbreak, I know God has been preparing my heart for a while. And because He knows and loves me deeply, He knew that my heart would hurt a lot. He knew that I would cry a lot of tears. He knew in advance that not even a week before the breakup, I would write a blog post about trusting God, clothing myself with strength and dignity without fear of the future and loving Him, even and especially when things don't go as I planned.

My heart is broken today. But my heart isn't only broken for my circumstances. I let go of someone I love very much out of obedience to God. I know it is what is best for both of us, as much as it hurts now. I know that God is going to be there in every step of my pain and every time I just plain miss him. So yes, my heart is broken for a lost relationship. But my heart is even more broken, once again for this world that we live in.

Two black men were shot and killed by the police this week. In all honesty, the week that I've had emotionally, I didn't really want to read the articles or watch the videos about these tragedies. But what I know is that tragically, two more black men lost their lives.

Five police officers were killed in Dallas last night. Five. By one gunman.

This isn't a gun problem, people. It's a people problem. It's a heart problem. It's a sin problem. These just hit me too close to home. When people put all police officers in a box and say that law enforcement is bad and is out to get black people, that's a gut shot. Don't get me wrong, racism is far from gone. Racism seems to only be getting worse. We try to be blind to it, we try to cover it up, we try to deny it, but there is no denying the fact that racism is not even near being dead. But, to say that all police officers are bad is saying that my sister is bad. It's saying that my dad - the most amazing and compassionate man I know - is bad. It's saying that people I hold very dear to my heart are bad. We can't be so naive to think that there are no bad cops. But we also can't be so ignorant to believe that all cops are bad. Taking the badge is a sign of duty, respect and service to the community. Many of the officers out there put their lives on the line every day to protect and to serve, not to target black people and to kill them.

In the same way, we have to acknowledge, grieve and despise the fact that black people are getting targeted. Two black men shot by police this week. By the police. Which means these are the only two black lives lost that we heard of. This doesn't include racially motivated shootings by any other group, gang or individual. This week. If we were to take a look at the statistics, what would they say about this month, this year so far? This is unjust. This is uncalled for. It angers and disgusts me to think that we live in America in 2016 and this is still happening. We can do better.

It tears my heart to pieces when I think about the families of those who lost their lives this week. Of those who lost their lives in Orlando. Of those who lost their lives in every act of injustice taken out on them because of their skin color, because of their occupation, because of their religion or because of their sexuality. Our world desperately needs Jesus. Our country desperately needs Jesus. We need to hope again. I can't take much more of this. But the answer is never violence. All violence does is stir up hatred in a vicious cycle. We need more love. For everyone. Black lives matter. Police lives matter. Life matters.

Life matters because God says life matters. It's honestly hard to see God in all of this sometimes. But as Mr. Rogers so wisely said, “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” We can see God in the helpers. We can see God in the way He reveals Himself to us if we allow Him to. We find Him when we seek comfort for the overwhelming grief we feel for the fact that two black men and five police officers died this week. He is with us. He is wrapping us in His arms. He loves us through our grief.

For me, this week, I saw Him in His timing. I listened to Him, and over and over again He affirmed me. He reminded me to continue to listen to Him. He knows the plans He has, and He is leading me on the path He wants me to be on. Instead of disobedience, I am choosing to obey. Instead of dwelling in my sorrow, I pray. I pray for my heart, I pray for my future, I pray for all life to be honored. I pray for our country. I pray for the decision America has to make in the next few months. I can't let sorrow get the best of me. I can't let my heartbreak overcome me. I have to choose obedience every single day. Does that mean that my pain is completely gone? Nope. Still sucks. But it means that I'm healing and I'm letting God take my pain and use it for good. I'm allowing Him to take my sorrow and turn it to joy.

So as you lay these things in our Father's hands, weep with those who weep, rejoice with those who rejoice, and let God overwhelm you with His strength and comfort. In such a time as this, clothe yourself in strength and dignity, and laugh without fear of your future.