Saturday, July 30, 2016

The God Who Hears

I am amazed at God's faithfulness. I am humbled by His love for me. I am in awe of His favor and the way He faithfully answers our prayers. All the time When we mess up, He is perfect. When we choose to follow our own plans, even though we know they are wrong, sinful or not His will, He is faithful. He is constant when we are not. he is just when we are not. He is strong when we feel weak and don't see the good that He will bring. He is peace when life is messy. He is hope when we are broken. And He is joy all the time.

I love prayer. I love talking to God as if He were standing in front of me. I love that when I mess up and confess, He still forgives me and still loves me the same. I love starting my day in prayer, and not stopping to say "amen" until I go to bed at night. As much as I love talking to God about everything, all the time, I admit that sometimes I get so distracted in my own stuff - stuff I could and should be bringing to God - that i don't pray. Prayer shouldn't be something that we have to remind ourselves to do. It should be as natural as breathing.

One of my favorite things about working at Riviera is that we are able to pray with the kids, and we encourage them to pray as well. We have our cute little prayer songs for the younger kids as an introduction - thanking God for the food, friends, apple trees and the birds that sing. I love to help develop little prayer warriors in these kids. This summer I've had the kindergarten and first graders. They are at a kind of awkward age where they think the singing prayers are kind of silly and cheesy, but don't really know what to say when they pray without them. I've had multiple kids with the passion and desire to pray, but when it comes time to do it, they "don't remember what to say" or "don't know how." My response is always the same: "You don't have to be perfect. Just talk to God the way you would talk to a friend. Thank Him, and tell Him what is going on." A few times, these meal time prayers have turned into moments where the children share their hearts of gratitude before God. They don't realize they have little hearts of gratitude, but they thank Him for every little thing in their life: moms, dads, step-moms, step-dads, dogs, cats and anything they think of at the time. Their prayers remind me to not only to be more grateful, but also to have gratitude in every little thing. No matter how little it seems to us, God wants us to come to Him, and He answers.

God desires for us to pray without ceasing. He calls us to not be anxious about anything, to not worry about anything, but to bring everything to Him in prayer and petition with thanksgiving. He knows our hearts. He knows what is going on with us, but wants us to come to Him still. He is omniscient, but still asks us to bring our requests to Him as if He is hearing them for the first time. Prayer brings us close to God. Prayer is our way of communicating with the One who created us.

I think that one of my favorite prayers is the prayer without words. It's those times where you just come to God without knowing what to say. It's in those moments I feel extra close to Him. Greater than friends finishing each others sentences, the Holy Spirit intercedes for us and prays the things we can't find words for. I've had moments like these in the last few weeks. Moments of heartbreak and moments of joy where I don't know exactly what needs to be prayed, or how to pray it. And in each moment I have felt peace, because I know God hears me, He knows my heart and He knows exactly what I need, even though I don't.

Another thing that I've learned from the kids and youth that I work with is to pray the impossible. We have one girl in our small group who always prays for "thing one and thing two". To us, it is silly, odd, nonsensical, and maybe even impossible. But between her and God, it means something. Her child-like faith in God is big enough that she has the confidence to pray seemingly nonsensical prayers. I used to think that some prayers are just too much to bring to God. I mean, He had bigger things to worry about so my big thing was just too much to add to His plate. There are times still that I am tempted to slip right back into this thought. I'm not sure where this distorted thinking came from but it just needs to go away. Because here is the thing: God's power is unmatchable. It's bigger than we can imagine. It's unmeasurable. It's one of those things we will never understand, unless He tells us when we are face to face with Him in Glory. Nothing is too big for Him. NOTHING! Our God is still the God of the impossible. He still makes impossible things happen. And He always answers our prayers - the tiny ones, the big ones and the ones that seem impossible.

I am confident He always answers. It's not always the answer we want, but there is always an answer: "Yes," "Not right now," or "I have something greater planned." We don't always understand His answer, but it's always good. As a leadership team for our youth group, we read through Bob Goff's book Love Does. It is challenging to think of greater ways to love our students the way Jesus loves us. A couple weeks ago, the chapter talked about impossible prayers.
God delights in answering our impossible prayers...Prayers asking for the things we couldn't possibly think could happen for us or someone else. Ones we might even feel a little bad saying, as if it's just asking God for too much. But what I forget is that we're talking to a God who knows that what we need the most is to return to Him, to return to our lives...God searches for us, no matter what dark place we're in or what door we're behind. He hears our impossible, audacious prayers for ourselves and others. And He delights in forgiving us and then answering those prayers by letting us return home to HIm...When we take Jesus up on His promises, He doesn't just stand in our lives knocking. He rips our small view of Him and what He can make possible right off the hinges.

We shouldn't feel bad when coming to God with the "impossible" prayers. He wants our hearts. He hears and answers our prayers. In the season I'm in right now, I'm asking God for big things. I'm asking Him to bring me amazing opportunities and allow me to be used for His glory in ways I could have only dreamed about before. If His answer is "yes," I will praise Him with my life and bring Him honor and glory through the opportunities I am given. If the answer is "not right now," or "I have something greater planned," I will praise Him with my life and bring Him honor and glory through the opportunities I am given. Even when His answer is not exactly what we want, His plans are greater than our own, and He still deserves our honor and praise in every single thing.

I challenge you, as I challenge myself, have faith like a child. "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Pray about the tiny things - pray about the huge things. Don't let anything seem too little or too big for God. Have a heart of gratitude and praise. I challenge you to take a day and begin in prayer. The challenge isn't praying to start your day, but not saying "Amen" until you lay your head down at night, so that your thoughts are completely directed toward God. Pray always, without ceasing, don't worry, because God's got you.

What is your impossible, audacious prayer? I would love to join you in praying to our God who hears and always answers.

Friday, July 8, 2016

Breakups, Heartbreak and My God in the Midst

This is about to be really real. It's about to be really raw. And it's about to be really emotional. Partly because it's 3 in the morning when I'm starting this and partly because breaking up is hard.

I'm a feeler. My parents are both feelers. My grandpa is a feeler. I had no hope to not feel. I feel deeply. And I wear my heart on my sleeve. So as I went to bed on the 4th, I could sense the breakup coming. And I could feel the push from God saying that it is time. I didn't want to. Not one part of me wanted to end things with the man I deeply love. In fact, my initial and honest response wanted to be disobedience. I went to bed thinking we were broken up and woke up with a message saying that we were still together. It wasn't all pretty after that. In fact, it was pretty ugly. I think breaking up is probably one of the worst things ever. But I also think that, when you're really in love with someone,but you know that you need to part ways, or you know you aren't the best for that other person or you just know something isn't right, it's better for everyone to just accept the pain. does it suck? Absolutely. It sucks so much more than I could have ever imagined. Sorry Mom, I know you hate that word, but there's no other way to say it. When you love someone, you want what is best for their life. And when you realize that you aren't the best, it's time to move forward and part ways. And I still love him. So the best thing I can do, because I know it was the right decision, is to pray for him. For his happiness, his future, his son, his peace, his growth and his success.

As much as I didn't want this, because no one ever wants heartbreak, I know God has been preparing my heart for a while. And because He knows and loves me deeply, He knew that my heart would hurt a lot. He knew that I would cry a lot of tears. He knew in advance that not even a week before the breakup, I would write a blog post about trusting God, clothing myself with strength and dignity without fear of the future and loving Him, even and especially when things don't go as I planned.

My heart is broken today. But my heart isn't only broken for my circumstances. I let go of someone I love very much out of obedience to God. I know it is what is best for both of us, as much as it hurts now. I know that God is going to be there in every step of my pain and every time I just plain miss him. So yes, my heart is broken for a lost relationship. But my heart is even more broken, once again for this world that we live in.

Two black men were shot and killed by the police this week. In all honesty, the week that I've had emotionally, I didn't really want to read the articles or watch the videos about these tragedies. But what I know is that tragically, two more black men lost their lives.

Five police officers were killed in Dallas last night. Five. By one gunman.

This isn't a gun problem, people. It's a people problem. It's a heart problem. It's a sin problem. These just hit me too close to home. When people put all police officers in a box and say that law enforcement is bad and is out to get black people, that's a gut shot. Don't get me wrong, racism is far from gone. Racism seems to only be getting worse. We try to be blind to it, we try to cover it up, we try to deny it, but there is no denying the fact that racism is not even near being dead. But, to say that all police officers are bad is saying that my sister is bad. It's saying that my dad - the most amazing and compassionate man I know - is bad. It's saying that people I hold very dear to my heart are bad. We can't be so naive to think that there are no bad cops. But we also can't be so ignorant to believe that all cops are bad. Taking the badge is a sign of duty, respect and service to the community. Many of the officers out there put their lives on the line every day to protect and to serve, not to target black people and to kill them.

In the same way, we have to acknowledge, grieve and despise the fact that black people are getting targeted. Two black men shot by police this week. By the police. Which means these are the only two black lives lost that we heard of. This doesn't include racially motivated shootings by any other group, gang or individual. This week. If we were to take a look at the statistics, what would they say about this month, this year so far? This is unjust. This is uncalled for. It angers and disgusts me to think that we live in America in 2016 and this is still happening. We can do better.

It tears my heart to pieces when I think about the families of those who lost their lives this week. Of those who lost their lives in Orlando. Of those who lost their lives in every act of injustice taken out on them because of their skin color, because of their occupation, because of their religion or because of their sexuality. Our world desperately needs Jesus. Our country desperately needs Jesus. We need to hope again. I can't take much more of this. But the answer is never violence. All violence does is stir up hatred in a vicious cycle. We need more love. For everyone. Black lives matter. Police lives matter. Life matters.

Life matters because God says life matters. It's honestly hard to see God in all of this sometimes. But as Mr. Rogers so wisely said, “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” We can see God in the helpers. We can see God in the way He reveals Himself to us if we allow Him to. We find Him when we seek comfort for the overwhelming grief we feel for the fact that two black men and five police officers died this week. He is with us. He is wrapping us in His arms. He loves us through our grief.

For me, this week, I saw Him in His timing. I listened to Him, and over and over again He affirmed me. He reminded me to continue to listen to Him. He knows the plans He has, and He is leading me on the path He wants me to be on. Instead of disobedience, I am choosing to obey. Instead of dwelling in my sorrow, I pray. I pray for my heart, I pray for my future, I pray for all life to be honored. I pray for our country. I pray for the decision America has to make in the next few months. I can't let sorrow get the best of me. I can't let my heartbreak overcome me. I have to choose obedience every single day. Does that mean that my pain is completely gone? Nope. Still sucks. But it means that I'm healing and I'm letting God take my pain and use it for good. I'm allowing Him to take my sorrow and turn it to joy.

So as you lay these things in our Father's hands, weep with those who weep, rejoice with those who rejoice, and let God overwhelm you with His strength and comfort. In such a time as this, clothe yourself in strength and dignity, and laugh without fear of your future.

Friday, July 1, 2016

Perfect Imperfections

Things don't always go exactly as we had them perfectly planned. We can be really good at planning things down to the minute, have everything set up and ready to go, when the unexpected throws us off guard.

My step sister got married almost a week ago. As we all know, there is never any stress involved with planning or executing plans in weddings. Weddings never have hiccups or any sort of trials to overcome. There is never family drama of any kind or the need to make sudden, unexpected changes. In fact, all weddings are completely, perfectly, 100% planned by a month before the date and all that needs to be done is the marrying part. Right. Maybe in the dream utopian world we would all like to believe existed.

Allyce and Travis' day was, however, nearly perfect. There was a slight late start on some of the plans, we almost hit a deer getting the bride to the church, but it was beautiful. It was a perfect, warm and sunny day, and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves immensely.

As with any perfect wedding, there were some imperfections. Imperfections that just make the wedding that much more perfect and wonderful. While red velvet cupcake being splattered everywhere after the bouquet toss is a memorable, good and hilarious moment, the most notable moment of the entire day happened before the wedding even began.

My sweet, adorable, threenage nephew was the ring bearer. Poor kid may have been experiencing a slight cold to contribute to his threenage stage. It was almost "go" time. I was sitting with my brother, sister-in-law, and two older nephews waiting for this lovely ceremony to start. The rings had been tied to the pillow. The piano music was lovely as we waited patiently for the procession to begin. People started looking out the window of the little church and the next thing I know, my sister-in-law said to me, "They're looking for the ring." Instant panic. I ran out to help them search in the yard (as did a few other kind guests). It was the hardest Easter egg hunt ever. Ten minutes went by. No rings. Fifteen. Still no rings. My sister (his mom) and I checked the kid's pockets, took off his pants and checked inside his shoes. Nowhere to be found. After about twenty minutes of zero luck, the wedding went on using a borrowed ring, and with hope of finding it after the wedding.

A goat was exchanged, as well as the vows. There was a kiss and once again we were out the door to resume hunting. It took raking, and the lifting of the wooden ramp into the church for my other sister to find the rings. Exceeding anyone's expectations, they were found in the band of Curto's diaper. In those stressful minutes, all anyone could think about was finding the rings. After it was over, we laughed about it. Here's the thing: if the rings hadn't gone missing, Travis' grandparents would have missed the ceremony. We also wouldn't have this amazing story to tell at Curtis' future wedding.

Unexpected things happen in our lives all the time. Cars crash, grandparents get sick, friendships break apart. And through it all, God is good. God is at the center, in the midst of it all. He is directing us, if we listen. He is comforting us, if we allow Him. He wants to remind us that it's going to be ok if we allow Him to be the center of our lives. Because He works all things for the good of those who love Him. That doesn't mean it's always going to be easy. In fact, sometimes, instead of rings ending up in the band of a diaper, they could end up in the middle of the poopiness (I'm not sure if that is a word, but for all intents and purposes it is now). But when our lives are in the center of the poopiness, we can't forget that God is right there with us. He has a plan for us. He is making a way for us. He knows what is going to happen before it happens. Long before Zaccheaus couldn't see Jesus, God put that tree there. He knows our need. He puts people in our lives to meet our need. When our eyes and hearts are open to seeing Jesus, we need to be willing to climb the tree.


I've always struggled with trying to please everyone and ultimately trying to please myself by being perfect. It's taken a lot for me to realize that I don't have to please everyone. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. All that matters is that I am living my life to please the God I was created to serve and to love. I've also realized that I'm not perfect, and that I will never be perfect. But in my imperfections, there is perfection. Proverbs 31 has this beautiful imagery of the woman I desire to be.
Who[a] can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
She seeks wool and flax,
And willingly works with her hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
She brings her food from afar.
She also rises while it is yet night,
And provides food for her household,
And a portion for her maidservants.
She considers a field and buys it;
From her profits she plants a vineyard.
She girds herself with strength,
And strengthens her arms.
She perceives that her merchandise is good,
And her lamp does not go out by night.
She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hand holds the spindle.
She extends her hand to the poor,
Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of snow for her household,
For all her household is clothed with scarlet.
She makes tapestry for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies sashes for the merchants.
Strength and honor are her clothing;
She shall rejoice in time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
She watches over the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.”
Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates.
So when life hits me unexpectedly, instead of panic mode, I will clothe myself in strength and dignity. I will laugh without fear of the future, because I know that my God is in my midst. My God is mighty. My God is powerful. And my God loves me more than I could ever imagine. Be brave. Expect the unexpected. And allow the perfect imperfections to bring you strength and joy.