Let Go Of Fear. Embrace Change.

Some things never change. My brother loves cars. I remember playing various renditions of the "car game" on road trips growing up with him. We would take turns choosing our cars, and the one with the best or the most cars in the end would win. He would always win. I chose the cars based on their color or even their functionality (as I was thinking about pretending to have a family to drive around in these cars). He chose the cars based on their value, horsepower, body style, etc. Car stuff. Now he has his own little collection of big and model cars, and I have one. He will always win the car game.

I have a couple people who I consider my very best friends. My cousin Stefani and I were best friends since the beginning, and we are each still one of the first people called if we need someone to talk to. Here's the thing about best friends. We don't sugar coat the truth or hesitate to call out wrongs. We don't pretend that everything is ok when everjything is falling apart. In fact, best friends can tell when everything is falling apart. There is no filter, and there are no masks or pretending to be someone else. Hannah and I became friends in middle school. We both played the flute, were both academically focused and we had some friends that ended up coming together to create our group. No matter what happens, Hannah is always one of my first phone calls if I need someone to talk to. We don't talk nearly as often as I would like, but I know she is always there, even if we are a four and a half hour drive apart. She still holds me up when I'm down, just like she held my dress up at prom. I kind of forced Cori to be my friend during our freshman year at Corban. I only knew one family at the time I moved to Salem, so I was determined to make a lot of new friends. Evidently so determined that I turned around during our first class together and asked her if she wanted to have a movie night with some of my other new friends. Though she didn't come to that first opportunity to hang out, we still became friends, and over the last eight years have become best friends. The thing that stays the same, with each of my best friends, is our heart. We can be walking different paths. We can have different things going on in our lives. But the one thing that remains the same, the one thing that never changes, is the fact that distance doesn't separate us or change our friendship. We are transparent with each other and we know that through everything, we are there for each other.

See, some things never change. And it's a good thing. I wouldn't trade any of those girls for the world. Some things do change though. And it's a good thing as well. I've lost some weight over the last few years. I've gained some of it back, but the majority of what I have lost, I lost for good. Throughout my journey to optimal health, I have a new found love and appreciation for exercise. It's not that I was sedentary before I lost my weight, but I didn't love it. I didn't appreciate the way a human body could change and transform. I had never experienced that sort of transformation. I always said I wasn't a runner. In 8th grade volleyball, we had to run from the middle school gym, around the high school tennis courts and back. In total, it may have been one quarter of a mile. But the one time I decided to give everything I had, and not come in last place, I ran smack into a handicapped sign, dented it, and got a bruise that looked like a teddy bear. Running was bad. I hated running, mostly because I was never in shape enough to run. My freshman year of high school, I chose swimming over volleyball, even though I loved volleyball, because I didn't want to be cut from the volleyball team for not being able to run fast enough. The varsity requirement was an eight-minute mile. That was intimidating to me because I don't think I could even run a complete mile without stopping to walk. I haven't ran an eight-minute mile yet, but I'll get there. Because I'm committed to changing my body and my lifestyle. 

Society and technology change too. And it's sure a good thing. Without technological changes, I wouldn't have met my boyfriend, and probably would have had a much harder time dating him for a year when we are 1,969.6 miles apart. I wouldn't be able to share my heart through this blog, or call my parents to just say hi. Without societal changes, I never would have been able to even date my boyfriend because he's black. I wouldn't have even been able to walk into the same restaurant or use the same water fountain as him. Change is good. For the most part, I would say that I welcome change. However, change also brings about controversy and conflict. Dred Scott > Civil War > Prohibition > Women's Suffrage > Gun Control > Gay Marriage > Marijuana Legalization > Syrian Refugees > Transgender Rights.

For some reason we are fearful of change. We are fearful of change as a nation, and we are fearful of change as individuals. I'm not going to go into my thoughts on each of the recent issues. Honestly, it doesn't matter for the purpose and point I'm trying to make. What matters is that change can absolutely not be feared. When these big issues come up, we can look into them logically, pray about them Biblically, explore them and form our own opinions, but we cannot for one moment let fear drive our lives. By living in fear, we are not living our lives to the fullest. We are choosing to swim instead of play volleyball because we are afraid to run.

I honestly can't stop thinking about and praying for the Pulse nightclub shooting. Initially, officials refused to recognize that the crime committed was an act of terror. I think they were afraid to say the word ISIS and admit that there are Islamic terrorists among us. They let fear drive their decision to withhold the fact that Omar Mateen declared allegiance to the Islamic State on a phone call with 911 during the attack. They let fear drive their decision to let people believe that this is a gun problem. They let fear drive their decision to let people believe that all Muslims are bad. We need to stop living in fear. A few days ago I saw an article that brought joy to my soul. The owner of Pulse seems to have committed to reopen the nightclub. I'm not saying that bars are good places to hang out, or that everyone needs to fly out to Orlando for the grand opening, but I'm proud. I'm proud that the owner is not letting fear ruin their lives. I'm proud that, despite the expected backlash and criticism, fear is not going to get in the way of honoring the victims and their families. Fear is not going to mask the fact that 49 people lost their lives and 53 people were injured. This world needs more love. This world needs Jesus.

When bad things happen, we tend to let fear dictate. We tend to stop our lives and live cautiously. God calls us to bigger and better things. He calls us to live life loud. We are called to let go of fear and allow God to drive our lives. We are called to love and to be loved by Him. Perfect love drives out fear. Over and over again, God tells His people to not fear because He is with them. He is still with us. This still applies. Isaiah 41:10 says, "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." He will strengthen us, He will lift us up on wings like eagles, He will uphold us with His righteous hand. Most importantly, He will be with us every single step of the way. We also aren't supposed to stay the same. We are supposed to grow closer to Him, and look more like Him every day. We are called to allow Him to transform our lives and move in our lives. When we have just the tiniest bit of faith in Him, we can move mountains, and bring the kind of change that this world desperately needs.

I've come a long way since my freshman year of high school. I'm more mature. I look a lot better. I don't let the fear of not fitting in stop me from doing things. I don't hate running anymore. I am actually starting to really enjoy it (I might even love it). I ran a 5K last weekend. I completed it in 36:03. That's not quite an eight-minute mile, but I ran the whole time (minus the couple times I thought I might hurl). Change might not be easy, but I welcome it. A lot of the times, change is good, and it's worth it. Embrace the friendships and relationships that don't change despite time and distance. And welcome the inevitable changes that come when we allow God to take our fears from us, and transform us into the person He wants us to become.

My God is bigger than my fears.

Enough Is Enough

Unthinkable. Senseless. Sickening. Inconceivable. No matter what adjective you choose to use, there is heartbreak in the world every single day, and a whole lot of hatred. I've seen it too much this week to be silent. Because I'm done. I'm done with the violence. I'm done with the hate. I'm done with the response when any sort of hatred is executed. Too many times, people focus on the politics, the racism, the gun control, and the swimming times. It's legalistic. It's impersonal. We forget the victims. We forget the fact that these are or were real, live people with feelings and that they have families with feelings too. We forget that at the end of the day, love is the most powerful tool and weapon we have. Love has the power to heal the broken hearts. Love has the power to unite. Love has the power to speak for those who can't speak for themselves. Love has the power to change hearts. Love has the power to help the grieving. Love has the power to bring peace. And boy do we need peace. Love has the power to see hearts despite religion, color and sexual orientation. Love has the power to wrap the hurt and broken into His arms and weep. Love has the power to bring life. Love has the power to bring hope. My God is this love, and He has equipped us with the tools to love people this way. But we aren't. We are choosing to be silent, or to focus on the wrong things. After the attack in Orlando, Jen Hatmaker posted this on Facebook:

We read about the mass shooting at the LGBT club in Orlando on the way to church. The ANC community cried and prayed and lamented and lit candles. I had to come home and take my contacts out. My black friends taught me something important, particularly after the mass shooting in Charleston at Emanuel AME Church, which was a targeted mass murder like this one aimed specifically at a people group: When people anywhere have been targeted and murdered that share something specific with you - race, sexual orientation, religion - it is not only terrorism against the victims but psychological terrorism against their people group. It shakes down your sense of security and safety, because truly, it could have been you, your brother, your best friend, your dad. It IS you, your brother, your best friend, your dad. What hurts one, hurts all. What my black friends taught me is that the ancillary offense, where grief is compounded and loneliness sets in, is when their friends and colleagues outside of their tribe say NOTHING. When their churches don't stop and grieve. When their coworkers are silent. When their neighbors look the other way because they aren't sure what to say, so they say nothing. Our gay friends and kids and church members and neighbors are particularly hurting and scared today. As are their mamas and daddies and sisters and children. This targeted hate and violence is not just shocking the Orlando community (and the rest of us), but specifically the LGBT community and everyone that loves them. Here is what we can do: Call your gay friend, neighbor, daughter, college roommate, son, coworker, church member, brother - call them voice to voice, or even better, face to face where you can put loving arms around them and say: "This was unspeakable. This was horrible. This was unconscionable. I see this evil and I condemn it fully. I will sit right here and grieve with you. We will not gloss this over or forget. You might feel unsafe or insecure or scared today, and I want you to know you are not alone. I love you and I stand by you." Don't say nothing. The way to battle this kind of evil is to overcome it with love according to Jesus who, by the way, would be smack in the middle of Orlando if he was still walking around down here, attending to wounds and souls and beloved hearts. Put your arms around your gay friends and family members and speak love and solidarity and presence and hope into their lives. God in heaven, be near.

Guess what, y'all, not only would Jesus be smack in the middle of Orlando attending to wounds and souls and beloved hearts, but He would expect us to be doing the same. He would be weeping with the families of those who lost their loved ones. His heart would hurt for every single person affected by this heinous act of terror. Jesus wouldn't care if they were a part of the LGBT community. He doesn't say to us: "Love your neighbor as yourself...as long as they are Republican, as long as they are straight, as long as they are white, as long as they go to church every single Sunday and Wednesday." No. As Christians, "Little Christs", we are called to love all people, regardless of what they believe, what they stand for, and who they are. We are called to stand beside them in their pain and in their grief and weep with them. The hardest part of all of this is that we are also called to pray for those who persecute us. That means the bullies that persecute us in our schools, the rapists who happen to be really good swimmers, the people like Kevin Loibl who might have targeted Christina Grimmie because she was a Christian, and the people who persecute and target our country as a whole. Our instant response is hatred. Our instant response is to target and call out specific groups of people, to point fingers, and place blame. As much as you don't want to hear it and as much as I don't want to hear it, we are all bad. We all deserve hell. We all sin, and every sin creates a chasm between us and God. We fall short. Some people just choose to express their badness in worse ways. They choose to act in a larger scale than you and I. As much as you and I also don't want to hear this, God desires that ALL of the people He created choose Him. He sees our sin, but still loves us and wants us to come to Him. All of us. God can change hearts and bring unexpected people to Him. By refusing to pray for those who persecute us, we are no longer little Christs, but we are little Jonahs. We don't pray for them because of our hate, because we have been persecuted, because they are wicked, and ultimately because we know God can change their hearts if they turn to Him. Here's the bottom line: we live in a terribly broken and fallen world. We live in a time where there is more hate than there is love. We live in a time where political correctness has taken over and anyone can go and buy guns, even if they are on the FBI watchlist, because we are afraid to offend. There is racism all around us. I hate it. There are anti-gay protests everywhere. I hate them. There is sexual assault happening daily and people are getting just a slap on the wrist, while the victims live for the rest of their lives in fear, and with the pain of being attacked. I hate that. Please, for the love, don't worry so much about the lifestyle that other people live. You make your own choices on how you live and how you follow God. What we all need to work on is love. Let them know us by our love. Next time there is an act of terrorism or an act of violence clearly targeting a specific group, let them run to us as little Christs because we love like Him. He would be the first one by the side of those in grief and in pain. He would also be turning over tables on all of us who are choosing to keep the focus on the wrong things. John Piper says, "When we are done trying to establish, 'Is this my neighbor?' — the decisive issue of love remains: What kind of person am I?" Be the kind of person who loves endlessly, despite differences. Be the kind of person who grieves with those who are grieving. Be the kind of person people run to when they are under attack. Love. Show people what love really means. Bring love, solidarity, presence and hope. "This was unspeakable. This was horrible. This was unconscionable. I see this evil and I condemn it fully. I will sit right here and grieve with you. We will not gloss this over or forget. You might feel unsafe or insecure or scared today, and I want you to know you are not alone. I love you and I stand by you." And for the love, DO NOT BE SILENT. Love is not silent. Love shouts. Love has no bounds. Love pushes past borders and jumps right in. 1 John 4:18 tells us love has no fear. "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love." Love is action. Be that love.

Goals, dreams, and all that interferes

Last week I told my best friend that my goal was to blog once a week. I'm determined to be an encouragement to those around me through my words and through my actions. I'm also an awful blogger. I never really know what to write about. So I decided to write about goals. And dreams. And everything that gets in the way of those goals and dreams.

My boyfriend is a personal trainer. So naturally, he's my personal trainer. We made up this plan while he was here for me to run three days a week, do other workouts two and rest two. It's been great. I guess it's been fun too. Until yesterday. Yesterday I was tired. I work with kids all day, and yesterday they seemed to be a lot more energetic than normal. Which meant, I was exhausted. I really just wanted to be at home, pop open a nice cold watermelon, cucumber mint infused water and do absolutely nothing. The only problem with that plan was that it was a running day and I hadn't felt like waking up in time to go running in the morning. For about 3 minutes, I seriously contemplated back and forth not doing it. It's not like I'm being forced to run.

And then I thought of my goals and of my dreams. My goals are to exceed my own expectations of my body and to push myself to new limits in order to fully use this body God gave me. My dreams are to run marathons and half marathons. And I mean run them. I have a dream to get to the point where I can run steadily for 26.2 miles without walking. It seems impossible. It seems like it would take a miracle. But I know that hard work and determination pay off, and I know that my God is still in the miracle business.

So I ran my intervals on that treadmill. My goals and my dreams were more important to me than my one moment of weakness and my lack of motivation. You know what? I beat my time. Hard work and determination work wonders. I'm excited to see what tomorrow's straight 3 miles brings.

And here I am, blogging. Because my goal of blogging once a week and my dream of one day publishing some books is more important to me than my lack of motivation and inspiration to blog.

There are a lot of things that get in the way of our goals and dreams. This week, for me, lack of motivation and being tired almost did it for me. Sometimes it's finances. Worry. Pain. Hurt. Time. Time is a big one. I find myself saying "I just don't have enough time for that" when in reality, I'm not making it a priority. I want to focus on my goals and my dreams. I want to make them priorities in my life. So I'll keep running and I'll keep writing.

What are your goals and dreams? What are you letting get in the way of them? What do you need to let go of and make less of a priority to make them happen? Do it. Today. Find someone to keep you accountable to them. Because teamwork makes the dream work.

I'm not a huge Christian movie fan. I find them excruciatingly cheesy and just have a hard time sitting through them. But I love football. And I love me some football movies. One great combination of the two is Facing the Giants. There is a scene in this movie where, as a team, they are talking about their upcoming game. The team leader doesn't have faith that his team can beat their opponents, but that they are too strong. What the coach does next is amazing. He pushes him to his limits and makes him give everything he's got to reach the goal. Brock goes beyond the goal and does even better because he gives his all.

Sometimes our goals and dreams seem like giants because of everything that stands in the way of them. Don't let that stuff weigh you down to the point of giving up. Keep pushing. Keep running the race. Keep motivated and determined to reach your goal because NOTHING is too big for you when you're relying on our living and active God. When your strength is gone, God will renew it. Find more strength in Him. Because He is the coach, and He says to us:

"Keep going. Don’t quit.
Give me your heart."

https://youtu.be/-sUKoKQlEC4

PS: if you have any blog ideas, hit me with them. I'd love to hear your thoughts!