Perfect Imperfections

Things don't always go exactly as we had them perfectly planned. We can be really good at planning things down to the minute, have everything set up and ready to go, when the unexpected throws us off guard.

My step sister got married almost a week ago. As we all know, there is never any stress involved with planning or executing plans in weddings. Weddings never have hiccups or any sort of trials to overcome. There is never family drama of any kind or the need to make sudden, unexpected changes. In fact, all weddings are completely, perfectly, 100% planned by a month before the date and all that needs to be done is the marrying part. Right. Maybe in the dream utopian world we would all like to believe existed.

Allyce and Travis' day was, however, nearly perfect. There was a slight late start on some of the plans, we almost hit a deer getting the bride to the church, but it was beautiful. It was a perfect, warm and sunny day, and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves immensely.

As with any perfect wedding, there were some imperfections. Imperfections that just make the wedding that much more perfect and wonderful. While red velvet cupcake being splattered everywhere after the bouquet toss is a memorable, good and hilarious moment, the most notable moment of the entire day happened before the wedding even began.

My sweet, adorable, threenage nephew was the ring bearer. Poor kid may have been experiencing a slight cold to contribute to his threenage stage. It was almost "go" time. I was sitting with my brother, sister-in-law, and two older nephews waiting for this lovely ceremony to start. The rings had been tied to the pillow. The piano music was lovely as we waited patiently for the procession to begin. People started looking out the window of the little church and the next thing I know, my sister-in-law said to me, "They're looking for the ring." Instant panic. I ran out to help them search in the yard (as did a few other kind guests). It was the hardest Easter egg hunt ever. Ten minutes went by. No rings. Fifteen. Still no rings. My sister (his mom) and I checked the kid's pockets, took off his pants and checked inside his shoes. Nowhere to be found. After about twenty minutes of zero luck, the wedding went on using a borrowed ring, and with hope of finding it after the wedding.

A goat was exchanged, as well as the vows. There was a kiss and once again we were out the door to resume hunting. It took raking, and the lifting of the wooden ramp into the church for my other sister to find the rings. Exceeding anyone's expectations, they were found in the band of Curto's diaper. In those stressful minutes, all anyone could think about was finding the rings. After it was over, we laughed about it. Here's the thing: if the rings hadn't gone missing, Travis' grandparents would have missed the ceremony. We also wouldn't have this amazing story to tell at Curtis' future wedding.

Unexpected things happen in our lives all the time. Cars crash, grandparents get sick, friendships break apart. And through it all, God is good. God is at the center, in the midst of it all. He is directing us, if we listen. He is comforting us, if we allow Him. He wants to remind us that it's going to be ok if we allow Him to be the center of our lives. Because He works all things for the good of those who love Him. That doesn't mean it's always going to be easy. In fact, sometimes, instead of rings ending up in the band of a diaper, they could end up in the middle of the poopiness (I'm not sure if that is a word, but for all intents and purposes it is now). But when our lives are in the center of the poopiness, we can't forget that God is right there with us. He has a plan for us. He is making a way for us. He knows what is going to happen before it happens. Long before Zaccheaus couldn't see Jesus, God put that tree there. He knows our need. He puts people in our lives to meet our need. When our eyes and hearts are open to seeing Jesus, we need to be willing to climb the tree.

I've always struggled with trying to please everyone and ultimately trying to please myself by being perfect. It's taken a lot for me to realize that I don't have to please everyone. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. All that matters is that I am living my life to please the God I was created to serve and to love. I've also realized that I'm not perfect, and that I will never be perfect. But in my imperfections, there is perfection. Proverbs 31 has this beautiful imagery of the woman I desire to be.

Who[a] can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
She seeks wool and flax,
And willingly works with her hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
She brings her food from afar.
She also rises while it is yet night,
And provides food for her household,
And a portion for her maidservants.
She considers a field and buys it;
From her profits she plants a vineyard.
She girds herself with strength,
And strengthens her arms.
She perceives that her merchandise is good,
And her lamp does not go out by night.
She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hand holds the spindle.
She extends her hand to the poor,
Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of snow for her household,
For all her household is clothed with scarlet.
She makes tapestry for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies sashes for the merchants.
Strength and honor are her clothing;
She shall rejoice in time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
She watches over the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.”
Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates.

So when life hits me unexpectedly, instead of panic mode, I will clothe myself in strength and dignity. I will laugh without fear of the future, because I know that my God is in my midst. My God is mighty. My God is powerful. And my God loves me more than I could ever imagine. Be brave. Expect the unexpected. And allow the perfect imperfections to bring you strength and joy.

Let Go Of Fear. Embrace Change.

Some things never change. My brother loves cars. I remember playing various renditions of the "car game" on road trips growing up with him. We would take turns choosing our cars, and the one with the best or the most cars in the end would win. He would always win. I chose the cars based on their color or even their functionality (as I was thinking about pretending to have a family to drive around in these cars). He chose the cars based on their value, horsepower, body style, etc. Car stuff. Now he has his own little collection of big and model cars, and I have one. He will always win the car game.

I have a couple people who I consider my very best friends. My cousin Stefani and I were best friends since the beginning, and we are each still one of the first people called if we need someone to talk to. Here's the thing about best friends. We don't sugar coat the truth or hesitate to call out wrongs. We don't pretend that everything is ok when everjything is falling apart. In fact, best friends can tell when everything is falling apart. There is no filter, and there are no masks or pretending to be someone else. Hannah and I became friends in middle school. We both played the flute, were both academically focused and we had some friends that ended up coming together to create our group. No matter what happens, Hannah is always one of my first phone calls if I need someone to talk to. We don't talk nearly as often as I would like, but I know she is always there, even if we are a four and a half hour drive apart. She still holds me up when I'm down, just like she held my dress up at prom. I kind of forced Cori to be my friend during our freshman year at Corban. I only knew one family at the time I moved to Salem, so I was determined to make a lot of new friends. Evidently so determined that I turned around during our first class together and asked her if she wanted to have a movie night with some of my other new friends. Though she didn't come to that first opportunity to hang out, we still became friends, and over the last eight years have become best friends. The thing that stays the same, with each of my best friends, is our heart. We can be walking different paths. We can have different things going on in our lives. But the one thing that remains the same, the one thing that never changes, is the fact that distance doesn't separate us or change our friendship. We are transparent with each other and we know that through everything, we are there for each other.

See, some things never change. And it's a good thing. I wouldn't trade any of those girls for the world. Some things do change though. And it's a good thing as well. I've lost some weight over the last few years. I've gained some of it back, but the majority of what I have lost, I lost for good. Throughout my journey to optimal health, I have a new found love and appreciation for exercise. It's not that I was sedentary before I lost my weight, but I didn't love it. I didn't appreciate the way a human body could change and transform. I had never experienced that sort of transformation. I always said I wasn't a runner. In 8th grade volleyball, we had to run from the middle school gym, around the high school tennis courts and back. In total, it may have been one quarter of a mile. But the one time I decided to give everything I had, and not come in last place, I ran smack into a handicapped sign, dented it, and got a bruise that looked like a teddy bear. Running was bad. I hated running, mostly because I was never in shape enough to run. My freshman year of high school, I chose swimming over volleyball, even though I loved volleyball, because I didn't want to be cut from the volleyball team for not being able to run fast enough. The varsity requirement was an eight-minute mile. That was intimidating to me because I don't think I could even run a complete mile without stopping to walk. I haven't ran an eight-minute mile yet, but I'll get there. Because I'm committed to changing my body and my lifestyle. 

Society and technology change too. And it's sure a good thing. Without technological changes, I wouldn't have met my boyfriend, and probably would have had a much harder time dating him for a year when we are 1,969.6 miles apart. I wouldn't be able to share my heart through this blog, or call my parents to just say hi. Without societal changes, I never would have been able to even date my boyfriend because he's black. I wouldn't have even been able to walk into the same restaurant or use the same water fountain as him. Change is good. For the most part, I would say that I welcome change. However, change also brings about controversy and conflict. Dred Scott > Civil War > Prohibition > Women's Suffrage > Gun Control > Gay Marriage > Marijuana Legalization > Syrian Refugees > Transgender Rights.

For some reason we are fearful of change. We are fearful of change as a nation, and we are fearful of change as individuals. I'm not going to go into my thoughts on each of the recent issues. Honestly, it doesn't matter for the purpose and point I'm trying to make. What matters is that change can absolutely not be feared. When these big issues come up, we can look into them logically, pray about them Biblically, explore them and form our own opinions, but we cannot for one moment let fear drive our lives. By living in fear, we are not living our lives to the fullest. We are choosing to swim instead of play volleyball because we are afraid to run.

I honestly can't stop thinking about and praying for the Pulse nightclub shooting. Initially, officials refused to recognize that the crime committed was an act of terror. I think they were afraid to say the word ISIS and admit that there are Islamic terrorists among us. They let fear drive their decision to withhold the fact that Omar Mateen declared allegiance to the Islamic State on a phone call with 911 during the attack. They let fear drive their decision to let people believe that this is a gun problem. They let fear drive their decision to let people believe that all Muslims are bad. We need to stop living in fear. A few days ago I saw an article that brought joy to my soul. The owner of Pulse seems to have committed to reopen the nightclub. I'm not saying that bars are good places to hang out, or that everyone needs to fly out to Orlando for the grand opening, but I'm proud. I'm proud that the owner is not letting fear ruin their lives. I'm proud that, despite the expected backlash and criticism, fear is not going to get in the way of honoring the victims and their families. Fear is not going to mask the fact that 49 people lost their lives and 53 people were injured. This world needs more love. This world needs Jesus.

When bad things happen, we tend to let fear dictate. We tend to stop our lives and live cautiously. God calls us to bigger and better things. He calls us to live life loud. We are called to let go of fear and allow God to drive our lives. We are called to love and to be loved by Him. Perfect love drives out fear. Over and over again, God tells His people to not fear because He is with them. He is still with us. This still applies. Isaiah 41:10 says, "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." He will strengthen us, He will lift us up on wings like eagles, He will uphold us with His righteous hand. Most importantly, He will be with us every single step of the way. We also aren't supposed to stay the same. We are supposed to grow closer to Him, and look more like Him every day. We are called to allow Him to transform our lives and move in our lives. When we have just the tiniest bit of faith in Him, we can move mountains, and bring the kind of change that this world desperately needs.

I've come a long way since my freshman year of high school. I'm more mature. I look a lot better. I don't let the fear of not fitting in stop me from doing things. I don't hate running anymore. I am actually starting to really enjoy it (I might even love it). I ran a 5K last weekend. I completed it in 36:03. That's not quite an eight-minute mile, but I ran the whole time (minus the couple times I thought I might hurl). Change might not be easy, but I welcome it. A lot of the times, change is good, and it's worth it. Embrace the friendships and relationships that don't change despite time and distance. And welcome the inevitable changes that come when we allow God to take our fears from us, and transform us into the person He wants us to become.

My God is bigger than my fears.

Enough Is Enough

Unthinkable. Senseless. Sickening. Inconceivable. No matter what adjective you choose to use, there is heartbreak in the world every single day, and a whole lot of hatred. I've seen it too much this week to be silent. Because I'm done. I'm done with the violence. I'm done with the hate. I'm done with the response when any sort of hatred is executed. Too many times, people focus on the politics, the racism, the gun control, and the swimming times. It's legalistic. It's impersonal. We forget the victims. We forget the fact that these are or were real, live people with feelings and that they have families with feelings too. We forget that at the end of the day, love is the most powerful tool and weapon we have. Love has the power to heal the broken hearts. Love has the power to unite. Love has the power to speak for those who can't speak for themselves. Love has the power to change hearts. Love has the power to help the grieving. Love has the power to bring peace. And boy do we need peace. Love has the power to see hearts despite religion, color and sexual orientation. Love has the power to wrap the hurt and broken into His arms and weep. Love has the power to bring life. Love has the power to bring hope. My God is this love, and He has equipped us with the tools to love people this way. But we aren't. We are choosing to be silent, or to focus on the wrong things. After the attack in Orlando, Jen Hatmaker posted this on Facebook:

We read about the mass shooting at the LGBT club in Orlando on the way to church. The ANC community cried and prayed and lamented and lit candles. I had to come home and take my contacts out. My black friends taught me something important, particularly after the mass shooting in Charleston at Emanuel AME Church, which was a targeted mass murder like this one aimed specifically at a people group: When people anywhere have been targeted and murdered that share something specific with you - race, sexual orientation, religion - it is not only terrorism against the victims but psychological terrorism against their people group. It shakes down your sense of security and safety, because truly, it could have been you, your brother, your best friend, your dad. It IS you, your brother, your best friend, your dad. What hurts one, hurts all. What my black friends taught me is that the ancillary offense, where grief is compounded and loneliness sets in, is when their friends and colleagues outside of their tribe say NOTHING. When their churches don't stop and grieve. When their coworkers are silent. When their neighbors look the other way because they aren't sure what to say, so they say nothing. Our gay friends and kids and church members and neighbors are particularly hurting and scared today. As are their mamas and daddies and sisters and children. This targeted hate and violence is not just shocking the Orlando community (and the rest of us), but specifically the LGBT community and everyone that loves them. Here is what we can do: Call your gay friend, neighbor, daughter, college roommate, son, coworker, church member, brother - call them voice to voice, or even better, face to face where you can put loving arms around them and say: "This was unspeakable. This was horrible. This was unconscionable. I see this evil and I condemn it fully. I will sit right here and grieve with you. We will not gloss this over or forget. You might feel unsafe or insecure or scared today, and I want you to know you are not alone. I love you and I stand by you." Don't say nothing. The way to battle this kind of evil is to overcome it with love according to Jesus who, by the way, would be smack in the middle of Orlando if he was still walking around down here, attending to wounds and souls and beloved hearts. Put your arms around your gay friends and family members and speak love and solidarity and presence and hope into their lives. God in heaven, be near.

Guess what, y'all, not only would Jesus be smack in the middle of Orlando attending to wounds and souls and beloved hearts, but He would expect us to be doing the same. He would be weeping with the families of those who lost their loved ones. His heart would hurt for every single person affected by this heinous act of terror. Jesus wouldn't care if they were a part of the LGBT community. He doesn't say to us: "Love your neighbor as yourself...as long as they are Republican, as long as they are straight, as long as they are white, as long as they go to church every single Sunday and Wednesday." No. As Christians, "Little Christs", we are called to love all people, regardless of what they believe, what they stand for, and who they are. We are called to stand beside them in their pain and in their grief and weep with them. The hardest part of all of this is that we are also called to pray for those who persecute us. That means the bullies that persecute us in our schools, the rapists who happen to be really good swimmers, the people like Kevin Loibl who might have targeted Christina Grimmie because she was a Christian, and the people who persecute and target our country as a whole. Our instant response is hatred. Our instant response is to target and call out specific groups of people, to point fingers, and place blame. As much as you don't want to hear it and as much as I don't want to hear it, we are all bad. We all deserve hell. We all sin, and every sin creates a chasm between us and God. We fall short. Some people just choose to express their badness in worse ways. They choose to act in a larger scale than you and I. As much as you and I also don't want to hear this, God desires that ALL of the people He created choose Him. He sees our sin, but still loves us and wants us to come to Him. All of us. God can change hearts and bring unexpected people to Him. By refusing to pray for those who persecute us, we are no longer little Christs, but we are little Jonahs. We don't pray for them because of our hate, because we have been persecuted, because they are wicked, and ultimately because we know God can change their hearts if they turn to Him. Here's the bottom line: we live in a terribly broken and fallen world. We live in a time where there is more hate than there is love. We live in a time where political correctness has taken over and anyone can go and buy guns, even if they are on the FBI watchlist, because we are afraid to offend. There is racism all around us. I hate it. There are anti-gay protests everywhere. I hate them. There is sexual assault happening daily and people are getting just a slap on the wrist, while the victims live for the rest of their lives in fear, and with the pain of being attacked. I hate that. Please, for the love, don't worry so much about the lifestyle that other people live. You make your own choices on how you live and how you follow God. What we all need to work on is love. Let them know us by our love. Next time there is an act of terrorism or an act of violence clearly targeting a specific group, let them run to us as little Christs because we love like Him. He would be the first one by the side of those in grief and in pain. He would also be turning over tables on all of us who are choosing to keep the focus on the wrong things. John Piper says, "When we are done trying to establish, 'Is this my neighbor?' — the decisive issue of love remains: What kind of person am I?" Be the kind of person who loves endlessly, despite differences. Be the kind of person who grieves with those who are grieving. Be the kind of person people run to when they are under attack. Love. Show people what love really means. Bring love, solidarity, presence and hope. "This was unspeakable. This was horrible. This was unconscionable. I see this evil and I condemn it fully. I will sit right here and grieve with you. We will not gloss this over or forget. You might feel unsafe or insecure or scared today, and I want you to know you are not alone. I love you and I stand by you." And for the love, DO NOT BE SILENT. Love is not silent. Love shouts. Love has no bounds. Love pushes past borders and jumps right in. 1 John 4:18 tells us love has no fear. "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love." Love is action. Be that love.

Goals, dreams, and all that interferes

Last week I told my best friend that my goal was to blog once a week. I'm determined to be an encouragement to those around me through my words and through my actions. I'm also an awful blogger. I never really know what to write about. So I decided to write about goals. And dreams. And everything that gets in the way of those goals and dreams.

My boyfriend is a personal trainer. So naturally, he's my personal trainer. We made up this plan while he was here for me to run three days a week, do other workouts two and rest two. It's been great. I guess it's been fun too. Until yesterday. Yesterday I was tired. I work with kids all day, and yesterday they seemed to be a lot more energetic than normal. Which meant, I was exhausted. I really just wanted to be at home, pop open a nice cold watermelon, cucumber mint infused water and do absolutely nothing. The only problem with that plan was that it was a running day and I hadn't felt like waking up in time to go running in the morning. For about 3 minutes, I seriously contemplated back and forth not doing it. It's not like I'm being forced to run.

And then I thought of my goals and of my dreams. My goals are to exceed my own expectations of my body and to push myself to new limits in order to fully use this body God gave me. My dreams are to run marathons and half marathons. And I mean run them. I have a dream to get to the point where I can run steadily for 26.2 miles without walking. It seems impossible. It seems like it would take a miracle. But I know that hard work and determination pay off, and I know that my God is still in the miracle business.

So I ran my intervals on that treadmill. My goals and my dreams were more important to me than my one moment of weakness and my lack of motivation. You know what? I beat my time. Hard work and determination work wonders. I'm excited to see what tomorrow's straight 3 miles brings.

And here I am, blogging. Because my goal of blogging once a week and my dream of one day publishing some books is more important to me than my lack of motivation and inspiration to blog.

There are a lot of things that get in the way of our goals and dreams. This week, for me, lack of motivation and being tired almost did it for me. Sometimes it's finances. Worry. Pain. Hurt. Time. Time is a big one. I find myself saying "I just don't have enough time for that" when in reality, I'm not making it a priority. I want to focus on my goals and my dreams. I want to make them priorities in my life. So I'll keep running and I'll keep writing.

What are your goals and dreams? What are you letting get in the way of them? What do you need to let go of and make less of a priority to make them happen? Do it. Today. Find someone to keep you accountable to them. Because teamwork makes the dream work.

I'm not a huge Christian movie fan. I find them excruciatingly cheesy and just have a hard time sitting through them. But I love football. And I love me some football movies. One great combination of the two is Facing the Giants. There is a scene in this movie where, as a team, they are talking about their upcoming game. The team leader doesn't have faith that his team can beat their opponents, but that they are too strong. What the coach does next is amazing. He pushes him to his limits and makes him give everything he's got to reach the goal. Brock goes beyond the goal and does even better because he gives his all.

Sometimes our goals and dreams seem like giants because of everything that stands in the way of them. Don't let that stuff weigh you down to the point of giving up. Keep pushing. Keep running the race. Keep motivated and determined to reach your goal because NOTHING is too big for you when you're relying on our living and active God. When your strength is gone, God will renew it. Find more strength in Him. Because He is the coach, and He says to us:

"Keep going. Don’t quit.
Give me your heart."

https://youtu.be/-sUKoKQlEC4

PS: if you have any blog ideas, hit me with them. I'd love to hear your thoughts!

On Memorial Day: Thank You

Today, for the first time in forever, I slept in. Well, sort of. I woke up at 5:45, talked to my boyfriend, tried to sleep through a movie but failed, and got out of bed at 8:45. But then, due to not having anything to do all morning, I didn't even get into the shower and out of my pajamas until 12:30. It was amazing. I felt lazy but it was what we all need every once in a while.

But today is more than just a day to be lazy. It's more than just a day to stay in your pajamas until past noon. It's more than the barbecues, more than the family camp outs and floating down the river.

I've been honored to know several people in my life who have served our country. My Grandpa Bill served in both the Navy and as an Army medic, where he earned a bronze star for bravery. My step-grandpa Norm served airborne in the army. My cousin Heath served in the Air Force and my cousin Stefani and her husband are both Army. My nephew’s mom spent some time in the service. A dear family friend of mine also served in the Navy. No matter what stage of life I'm in, no matter what city I'm in, there is someone close to me who has sacrificed themselves and put their own life on the line for our country. And it's beautiful.

Not only have I been honored to know many who have served, but I have been fortunate to see each of them return home. Each and every one of the veterans I know will tell you that today is not about them. It's about those who paid the ultimate sacrifice for our country. It's to remember those who have died so we can be free.

I remember being in elementary school and learning the words and signs to Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA for a veteran's day assembly. I stood up there (I'm sure in a floral dress with a crocheted white short sleeved sweater - thanks mom) and sang the words “I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free. And I won't forget the men who died to give that right to me.” I didn't know exactly what those words meant, but I knew they meant big things.

Like those I know who have served, when you thank a veteran or a current service member on Memorial Day, they will likely say, “Thank you, but today is not my day.” And there is truth to that. But, on Memorial Day, not only do we honor and remember the lives lost, but we honor and remember the families they have left behind. Each of the lives lost is someone's son, daughter, father, mother, husband, wife, uncle, aunt, friend. Each of the lives lost leaves behind a legacy. Part of that legacy is the people that person served alongside. They become a family as they serve together - brothers and sisters fighting for this country we love. When their brother or sister dies, they mourn along with the family of that brother or sister. A lot of times our friends and family who make it back haven't been able to grieve the loss of their brothers and sisters because they just had to strap on their boots and keep on going. Our friends and family then end up experiencing the loss over and over again in their heads - replaying the images of their brothers and sisters being killed in front of them.

Sometimes, as a nation we focus on the wrong things. We are so focused on being politically correct and pleasing everyone that we forget the important things. Sometimes we as Christians do the same. We are so quick to judge. We are so quick to call people out and to shame them. We shame a poor mama for turning her eyes for one second. Not to mention, we shame a zoo for choosing a 4 year old child's life over a gorilla’s. We don't listen and wait for the whole story. We don't take the plank out of our own eye before shaming the speck in our neighbor’s. Please, don't lose sight of what's important.

Memorial Day is about the lives lost. But let's not forget to wrap our arms around the ones left behind too.

To the mamas of those who paid the ultimate price: thank you. I can't imagine your pain, your grief and your sorrow. I hope you aren't forgotten, and that you are proud of your brave son or daughter.

To the dads, brothers and sisters who died for us: thank you. Your bond is different than that of a mama. Your grief is different, and your pride is different. You aren't forgotten today either.

To those who serve, and to those who have served: thank you. You watched your friends pay the ultimate sacrifice, and you continued on, even in your grief and sorrow. Thank you for serving this country and putting your life on the line. You are never forgotten.

To the babies of the ones we’ve lost: thank you. I can't imagine losing a parent. Your grief is big, it's real, and it's hard. You aren't forgotten.

To the wives and husbands who have lost the man or woman you love: thank you. You also made a sacrifice. The grief you must be feeling is unimaginable. You are remembered today.

To those who have given it all: thank you. Today is your day. Today we spend remembering your sacrifice and your commitment to this country. And we are proud of you. We grieve with those you have left behind. And we thank God for your sacrifice.

Cause there ain't no doubt you loved this land, God bless the USA.

An Open Letter To The Unhealthy Woman At The Gym

You are a distraction. 

I decided I would walk to the gym today. I walked 1.8 miles from my apartment to the gym. I was going to then do my incredibly intense workout, only to walk the 1.8 miles back home. So I did. I got to the gym already feeling accomplished of a task I hadn't even completed yet. I was feeling determined to push myself even harder tonight than I did on Tuesday doing this workout. I walked in, swiped my little UPC barcode from my phone, weighed myself before putting my stuff in a cubby and asked for a 10 pound medicine ball. 

At first I didn't see you. I was in my own zone, motivated by the energy of my walk there. And then, as I was setting up the little station for myself, I saw you. And then I watched you for a while. Physically, you were visibly unhealthy. You were not only extremely overweight, but I could see the strain your weight was having on your legs and your ankles. You were with your trainer doing some side step-ups. Step-ups are in my workout. However, the step you were using only came up to your ankle, while mine either comes mid-calf or to my knee. And you were struggling. It was hard for you. That was the last exercise of your workout. Your trainer told you that you had done a great job, and you followed him out. I started looking around the gym and saw more of you. There was another overweight woman on the bike, and another one doing some weight machines. There was an unhealthy man walking too. This isn't gender exclusive. 

Then I realized...I used to be you. People couldn't necessarily see the strain of my weight in my legs and ankles, and I could most definitely do leg lifts higher than my ankles. But if I had continued with my unhealthy habits, by the time I was your age, I could have easily become that person. I want to applaud you. I want to encourage you. I want to motivate you to keep going. 

You are stronger than you know. You have begun an amazing journey to be healthier, one that will change your life forever. There will be days that you want to give up. There are days that I want to give up. There are days that I start my workout and desire to give up because I just don't want to do it. Keep going. Keep pushing yourself. Don't let yourself get discouraged by the voice in your head telling you that you can't. It's just simply not true. Rest if and when you need to. But whatever you do, don't give up. It will be worth it. 

Set realistic and attainable goals. Set goals that you are able to accomplish in the next month. Set progress goals and keep track (I'm preaching to the choir here because I'm literally the worst at tracking progress). Set non-scale goals - ones that make you feel better, stronger and healthier. But also, set goals that seem impossible. Dream big. Audrey Hepburn said "Nothing is impossible. The word itself says, "I'm possible." YOU. CAN. DO. IT. Again, don't listen to the voice telling you that you can't. Fitness is not only physical, but mental. Your body won't go where your mind doesn't push it. Don't give up. It will be worth it. 

 Don't get discouraged. Don't feel intimidated or self-conscious about what you are struggling to do right now. It's ok. Don't be discouraged when you look around and see the lady hanging upside down in the middle of the TRX (that legit happened tonight). Don't be discouraged when you see the navy seal of a man doing a million push-ups. When you see all the people standing around gossiping, don't think that it's about you, even if they give you dirty looks - they are self-absorbed and most likely don't even know they are giving you dirty looks as they gossip about their friends. In those moments, smile at them, wave, and push yourself even harder. But don't give up. It will be worth it. 

Know that I think you are amazing. You have amazing strength to reach out and change your health. We have wonderful trainers at our gym. Great job for using them. I have seen your trainer with other clients and he does a great job. I can't wait to watch you get healthier and stronger. I can't wait to meet you at the gym again, to see you reach your realistic and attainable goals. I can't wait to watch you do the things that you believe are impossible for you. Come back often. And don't give up. It will be worth it. 

I want to leave you with some truth. You are faithfully known and cherished by the same God that knows and cherishes me. You are beautiful now, and no matter what goals you do or don't accomplish, nothing is going to change that. As we look to Good Friday tomorrow, I couldn't help but see Jesus in you. I don't know if you love Him or not, but I do know that He loves you. A whole lot. In fact, tomorrow we recognize His death on the cross, and on Sunday we get to CELEBRATE the fact that He is Risen and alive. Hebrews 12:1-2 gives us the picture of our faith as a race.

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Just like our health, our faith has a course to complete and a race to run. We are commanded to run the race of faith with endurance. We are commanded to keep pushing, no matter how hard it gets, no matter what gets in our way, no matter how we feel about life that day, we have to keep pushing. Why? Because Jesus. Jesus endured (there's that word again) the cross, and is now sitting at the right hand of God. He is who we are to look to for everything because He is the author and finisher of our faith. He came to endure the cross, the shame and the weight of our sin with joy because He had the Father with Him. It was worth it. 

So, my friend, run your race of health with endurance. Don't give up. Even more than your race of health, run your race of faith with endurance. Don't give up. It's hard. But I can promise you, it will be worth it.

When YES Means Everything

It's been forever and a half since I've posted a blog. But today's story is important. Lora's story is not my story. But Lora is a part of my story. I met Lora 7 years ago in Special Olympics. I coached her swimming, and we danced together at the end of every practice. Now, Lora is a vital part of our Fusion ministry and her mama wrote this wonderful story for our church newsletter:

I never imagined I’d have a child with a disability. Yet on August 2, 2002, I was blessed with my daughter Lora Grace who happened to have Down syndrome. In the beginning I was so scared; I was afraid I wasn’t equipped to handle such high demands, though I found that the demands were not that high. In the beginning I found myself so afraid for her future; I was finally able to give that to God and it really helped me to move forward. Don’t get me wrong, there are still times that I try to look towards her future, but I’m better equipped now to handle those emotions.  

I was prepared by other moms of children with special needs for the reaction that I would receive from the general population. For example, I can’t remember the last time Lora was invited to a birthday party for a friend; she just seems to have been forgotten. I’ve grieved that loss, but I knew that I needed to expect that. The one thing I never thought about nor expected was the reaction I received from the Christian Church. There was a lack of knowledge and understanding of what to do with her; to me she was just Lora. I found myself having to leave churches because they felt as though they couldn’t help us. That is a hard experience to feel like the one place you should feel accepted just doesn’t know what to do. I do not fault any of the churches; we are all human, and we all make mistakes.

As time went on, eventually Lora and I were not attending church. It was so painful for me, especially since the rest of my family was able to attend the church we belonged to. It took me awhile to reach out to First Baptist; I was so afraid of rejection once again. I still remember that day when Patrick Frost called me to give me information about Fusion. I had explained to him that Lora had Down syndrome, and his reaction brought me to tears. I can’t remember exactly the conversation, but I can tell you how I felt as I talked with Patrick about  Lora starting in Fusion. I’ve never felt more loved on and accepted. Lora has been with Fusion for a year now and is fully included just like any other child. She’s gotten to go on retreat twice now, just like everyone else. I never dreamed that she would be able to go overnight somewhere with a church group. She is loved and accepted just as she is. Until you have a child that's been excluded you can't understand the pain that one feels. I'm so glad she will never be excluded again. Lora is so happy to be with her friends. She loves it, I love it.

Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t all sunshine and rainbows for Fusion staff; Lora has her moments, but the staff is incredible, they help her and just love on her. There is not anything more I could ever hope or wish for her here. We are so blessed by Fusion and First Baptist; I can’t begin to express my gratitude sufficiently.  

Cory Wingett