Let Go Of Fear. Embrace Change.

Some things never change. My brother loves cars. I remember playing various renditions of the "car game" on road trips growing up with him. We would take turns choosing our cars, and the one with the best or the most cars in the end would win. He would always win. I chose the cars based on their color or even their functionality (as I was thinking about pretending to have a family to drive around in these cars). He chose the cars based on their value, horsepower, body style, etc. Car stuff. Now he has his own little collection of big and model cars, and I have one. He will always win the car game.

I have a couple people who I consider my very best friends. My cousin Stefani and I were best friends since the beginning, and we are each still one of the first people called if we need someone to talk to. Here's the thing about best friends. We don't sugar coat the truth or hesitate to call out wrongs. We don't pretend that everything is ok when everjything is falling apart. In fact, best friends can tell when everything is falling apart. There is no filter, and there are no masks or pretending to be someone else. Hannah and I became friends in middle school. We both played the flute, were both academically focused and we had some friends that ended up coming together to create our group. No matter what happens, Hannah is always one of my first phone calls if I need someone to talk to. We don't talk nearly as often as I would like, but I know she is always there, even if we are a four and a half hour drive apart. She still holds me up when I'm down, just like she held my dress up at prom. I kind of forced Cori to be my friend during our freshman year at Corban. I only knew one family at the time I moved to Salem, so I was determined to make a lot of new friends. Evidently so determined that I turned around during our first class together and asked her if she wanted to have a movie night with some of my other new friends. Though she didn't come to that first opportunity to hang out, we still became friends, and over the last eight years have become best friends. The thing that stays the same, with each of my best friends, is our heart. We can be walking different paths. We can have different things going on in our lives. But the one thing that remains the same, the one thing that never changes, is the fact that distance doesn't separate us or change our friendship. We are transparent with each other and we know that through everything, we are there for each other.

See, some things never change. And it's a good thing. I wouldn't trade any of those girls for the world. Some things do change though. And it's a good thing as well. I've lost some weight over the last few years. I've gained some of it back, but the majority of what I have lost, I lost for good. Throughout my journey to optimal health, I have a new found love and appreciation for exercise. It's not that I was sedentary before I lost my weight, but I didn't love it. I didn't appreciate the way a human body could change and transform. I had never experienced that sort of transformation. I always said I wasn't a runner. In 8th grade volleyball, we had to run from the middle school gym, around the high school tennis courts and back. In total, it may have been one quarter of a mile. But the one time I decided to give everything I had, and not come in last place, I ran smack into a handicapped sign, dented it, and got a bruise that looked like a teddy bear. Running was bad. I hated running, mostly because I was never in shape enough to run. My freshman year of high school, I chose swimming over volleyball, even though I loved volleyball, because I didn't want to be cut from the volleyball team for not being able to run fast enough. The varsity requirement was an eight-minute mile. That was intimidating to me because I don't think I could even run a complete mile without stopping to walk. I haven't ran an eight-minute mile yet, but I'll get there. Because I'm committed to changing my body and my lifestyle. 

Society and technology change too. And it's sure a good thing. Without technological changes, I wouldn't have met my boyfriend, and probably would have had a much harder time dating him for a year when we are 1,969.6 miles apart. I wouldn't be able to share my heart through this blog, or call my parents to just say hi. Without societal changes, I never would have been able to even date my boyfriend because he's black. I wouldn't have even been able to walk into the same restaurant or use the same water fountain as him. Change is good. For the most part, I would say that I welcome change. However, change also brings about controversy and conflict. Dred Scott > Civil War > Prohibition > Women's Suffrage > Gun Control > Gay Marriage > Marijuana Legalization > Syrian Refugees > Transgender Rights.

For some reason we are fearful of change. We are fearful of change as a nation, and we are fearful of change as individuals. I'm not going to go into my thoughts on each of the recent issues. Honestly, it doesn't matter for the purpose and point I'm trying to make. What matters is that change can absolutely not be feared. When these big issues come up, we can look into them logically, pray about them Biblically, explore them and form our own opinions, but we cannot for one moment let fear drive our lives. By living in fear, we are not living our lives to the fullest. We are choosing to swim instead of play volleyball because we are afraid to run.

I honestly can't stop thinking about and praying for the Pulse nightclub shooting. Initially, officials refused to recognize that the crime committed was an act of terror. I think they were afraid to say the word ISIS and admit that there are Islamic terrorists among us. They let fear drive their decision to withhold the fact that Omar Mateen declared allegiance to the Islamic State on a phone call with 911 during the attack. They let fear drive their decision to let people believe that this is a gun problem. They let fear drive their decision to let people believe that all Muslims are bad. We need to stop living in fear. A few days ago I saw an article that brought joy to my soul. The owner of Pulse seems to have committed to reopen the nightclub. I'm not saying that bars are good places to hang out, or that everyone needs to fly out to Orlando for the grand opening, but I'm proud. I'm proud that the owner is not letting fear ruin their lives. I'm proud that, despite the expected backlash and criticism, fear is not going to get in the way of honoring the victims and their families. Fear is not going to mask the fact that 49 people lost their lives and 53 people were injured. This world needs more love. This world needs Jesus.

When bad things happen, we tend to let fear dictate. We tend to stop our lives and live cautiously. God calls us to bigger and better things. He calls us to live life loud. We are called to let go of fear and allow God to drive our lives. We are called to love and to be loved by Him. Perfect love drives out fear. Over and over again, God tells His people to not fear because He is with them. He is still with us. This still applies. Isaiah 41:10 says, "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." He will strengthen us, He will lift us up on wings like eagles, He will uphold us with His righteous hand. Most importantly, He will be with us every single step of the way. We also aren't supposed to stay the same. We are supposed to grow closer to Him, and look more like Him every day. We are called to allow Him to transform our lives and move in our lives. When we have just the tiniest bit of faith in Him, we can move mountains, and bring the kind of change that this world desperately needs.

I've come a long way since my freshman year of high school. I'm more mature. I look a lot better. I don't let the fear of not fitting in stop me from doing things. I don't hate running anymore. I am actually starting to really enjoy it (I might even love it). I ran a 5K last weekend. I completed it in 36:03. That's not quite an eight-minute mile, but I ran the whole time (minus the couple times I thought I might hurl). Change might not be easy, but I welcome it. A lot of the times, change is good, and it's worth it. Embrace the friendships and relationships that don't change despite time and distance. And welcome the inevitable changes that come when we allow God to take our fears from us, and transform us into the person He wants us to become.

My God is bigger than my fears.

Goals, dreams, and all that interferes

Last week I told my best friend that my goal was to blog once a week. I'm determined to be an encouragement to those around me through my words and through my actions. I'm also an awful blogger. I never really know what to write about. So I decided to write about goals. And dreams. And everything that gets in the way of those goals and dreams.

My boyfriend is a personal trainer. So naturally, he's my personal trainer. We made up this plan while he was here for me to run three days a week, do other workouts two and rest two. It's been great. I guess it's been fun too. Until yesterday. Yesterday I was tired. I work with kids all day, and yesterday they seemed to be a lot more energetic than normal. Which meant, I was exhausted. I really just wanted to be at home, pop open a nice cold watermelon, cucumber mint infused water and do absolutely nothing. The only problem with that plan was that it was a running day and I hadn't felt like waking up in time to go running in the morning. For about 3 minutes, I seriously contemplated back and forth not doing it. It's not like I'm being forced to run.

And then I thought of my goals and of my dreams. My goals are to exceed my own expectations of my body and to push myself to new limits in order to fully use this body God gave me. My dreams are to run marathons and half marathons. And I mean run them. I have a dream to get to the point where I can run steadily for 26.2 miles without walking. It seems impossible. It seems like it would take a miracle. But I know that hard work and determination pay off, and I know that my God is still in the miracle business.

So I ran my intervals on that treadmill. My goals and my dreams were more important to me than my one moment of weakness and my lack of motivation. You know what? I beat my time. Hard work and determination work wonders. I'm excited to see what tomorrow's straight 3 miles brings.

And here I am, blogging. Because my goal of blogging once a week and my dream of one day publishing some books is more important to me than my lack of motivation and inspiration to blog.

There are a lot of things that get in the way of our goals and dreams. This week, for me, lack of motivation and being tired almost did it for me. Sometimes it's finances. Worry. Pain. Hurt. Time. Time is a big one. I find myself saying "I just don't have enough time for that" when in reality, I'm not making it a priority. I want to focus on my goals and my dreams. I want to make them priorities in my life. So I'll keep running and I'll keep writing.

What are your goals and dreams? What are you letting get in the way of them? What do you need to let go of and make less of a priority to make them happen? Do it. Today. Find someone to keep you accountable to them. Because teamwork makes the dream work.

I'm not a huge Christian movie fan. I find them excruciatingly cheesy and just have a hard time sitting through them. But I love football. And I love me some football movies. One great combination of the two is Facing the Giants. There is a scene in this movie where, as a team, they are talking about their upcoming game. The team leader doesn't have faith that his team can beat their opponents, but that they are too strong. What the coach does next is amazing. He pushes him to his limits and makes him give everything he's got to reach the goal. Brock goes beyond the goal and does even better because he gives his all.

Sometimes our goals and dreams seem like giants because of everything that stands in the way of them. Don't let that stuff weigh you down to the point of giving up. Keep pushing. Keep running the race. Keep motivated and determined to reach your goal because NOTHING is too big for you when you're relying on our living and active God. When your strength is gone, God will renew it. Find more strength in Him. Because He is the coach, and He says to us:

"Keep going. Don’t quit.
Give me your heart."

https://youtu.be/-sUKoKQlEC4

PS: if you have any blog ideas, hit me with them. I'd love to hear your thoughts!

An Open Letter To The Unhealthy Woman At The Gym

You are a distraction. 

I decided I would walk to the gym today. I walked 1.8 miles from my apartment to the gym. I was going to then do my incredibly intense workout, only to walk the 1.8 miles back home. So I did. I got to the gym already feeling accomplished of a task I hadn't even completed yet. I was feeling determined to push myself even harder tonight than I did on Tuesday doing this workout. I walked in, swiped my little UPC barcode from my phone, weighed myself before putting my stuff in a cubby and asked for a 10 pound medicine ball. 

At first I didn't see you. I was in my own zone, motivated by the energy of my walk there. And then, as I was setting up the little station for myself, I saw you. And then I watched you for a while. Physically, you were visibly unhealthy. You were not only extremely overweight, but I could see the strain your weight was having on your legs and your ankles. You were with your trainer doing some side step-ups. Step-ups are in my workout. However, the step you were using only came up to your ankle, while mine either comes mid-calf or to my knee. And you were struggling. It was hard for you. That was the last exercise of your workout. Your trainer told you that you had done a great job, and you followed him out. I started looking around the gym and saw more of you. There was another overweight woman on the bike, and another one doing some weight machines. There was an unhealthy man walking too. This isn't gender exclusive. 

Then I realized...I used to be you. People couldn't necessarily see the strain of my weight in my legs and ankles, and I could most definitely do leg lifts higher than my ankles. But if I had continued with my unhealthy habits, by the time I was your age, I could have easily become that person. I want to applaud you. I want to encourage you. I want to motivate you to keep going. 

You are stronger than you know. You have begun an amazing journey to be healthier, one that will change your life forever. There will be days that you want to give up. There are days that I want to give up. There are days that I start my workout and desire to give up because I just don't want to do it. Keep going. Keep pushing yourself. Don't let yourself get discouraged by the voice in your head telling you that you can't. It's just simply not true. Rest if and when you need to. But whatever you do, don't give up. It will be worth it. 

Set realistic and attainable goals. Set goals that you are able to accomplish in the next month. Set progress goals and keep track (I'm preaching to the choir here because I'm literally the worst at tracking progress). Set non-scale goals - ones that make you feel better, stronger and healthier. But also, set goals that seem impossible. Dream big. Audrey Hepburn said "Nothing is impossible. The word itself says, "I'm possible." YOU. CAN. DO. IT. Again, don't listen to the voice telling you that you can't. Fitness is not only physical, but mental. Your body won't go where your mind doesn't push it. Don't give up. It will be worth it. 

 Don't get discouraged. Don't feel intimidated or self-conscious about what you are struggling to do right now. It's ok. Don't be discouraged when you look around and see the lady hanging upside down in the middle of the TRX (that legit happened tonight). Don't be discouraged when you see the navy seal of a man doing a million push-ups. When you see all the people standing around gossiping, don't think that it's about you, even if they give you dirty looks - they are self-absorbed and most likely don't even know they are giving you dirty looks as they gossip about their friends. In those moments, smile at them, wave, and push yourself even harder. But don't give up. It will be worth it. 

Know that I think you are amazing. You have amazing strength to reach out and change your health. We have wonderful trainers at our gym. Great job for using them. I have seen your trainer with other clients and he does a great job. I can't wait to watch you get healthier and stronger. I can't wait to meet you at the gym again, to see you reach your realistic and attainable goals. I can't wait to watch you do the things that you believe are impossible for you. Come back often. And don't give up. It will be worth it. 

I want to leave you with some truth. You are faithfully known and cherished by the same God that knows and cherishes me. You are beautiful now, and no matter what goals you do or don't accomplish, nothing is going to change that. As we look to Good Friday tomorrow, I couldn't help but see Jesus in you. I don't know if you love Him or not, but I do know that He loves you. A whole lot. In fact, tomorrow we recognize His death on the cross, and on Sunday we get to CELEBRATE the fact that He is Risen and alive. Hebrews 12:1-2 gives us the picture of our faith as a race.

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Just like our health, our faith has a course to complete and a race to run. We are commanded to run the race of faith with endurance. We are commanded to keep pushing, no matter how hard it gets, no matter what gets in our way, no matter how we feel about life that day, we have to keep pushing. Why? Because Jesus. Jesus endured (there's that word again) the cross, and is now sitting at the right hand of God. He is who we are to look to for everything because He is the author and finisher of our faith. He came to endure the cross, the shame and the weight of our sin with joy because He had the Father with Him. It was worth it. 

So, my friend, run your race of health with endurance. Don't give up. Even more than your race of health, run your race of faith with endurance. Don't give up. It's hard. But I can promise you, it will be worth it.