Let Go Of Fear. Embrace Change.

Some things never change. My brother loves cars. I remember playing various renditions of the "car game" on road trips growing up with him. We would take turns choosing our cars, and the one with the best or the most cars in the end would win. He would always win. I chose the cars based on their color or even their functionality (as I was thinking about pretending to have a family to drive around in these cars). He chose the cars based on their value, horsepower, body style, etc. Car stuff. Now he has his own little collection of big and model cars, and I have one. He will always win the car game.

I have a couple people who I consider my very best friends. My cousin Stefani and I were best friends since the beginning, and we are each still one of the first people called if we need someone to talk to. Here's the thing about best friends. We don't sugar coat the truth or hesitate to call out wrongs. We don't pretend that everything is ok when everjything is falling apart. In fact, best friends can tell when everything is falling apart. There is no filter, and there are no masks or pretending to be someone else. Hannah and I became friends in middle school. We both played the flute, were both academically focused and we had some friends that ended up coming together to create our group. No matter what happens, Hannah is always one of my first phone calls if I need someone to talk to. We don't talk nearly as often as I would like, but I know she is always there, even if we are a four and a half hour drive apart. She still holds me up when I'm down, just like she held my dress up at prom. I kind of forced Cori to be my friend during our freshman year at Corban. I only knew one family at the time I moved to Salem, so I was determined to make a lot of new friends. Evidently so determined that I turned around during our first class together and asked her if she wanted to have a movie night with some of my other new friends. Though she didn't come to that first opportunity to hang out, we still became friends, and over the last eight years have become best friends. The thing that stays the same, with each of my best friends, is our heart. We can be walking different paths. We can have different things going on in our lives. But the one thing that remains the same, the one thing that never changes, is the fact that distance doesn't separate us or change our friendship. We are transparent with each other and we know that through everything, we are there for each other.

See, some things never change. And it's a good thing. I wouldn't trade any of those girls for the world. Some things do change though. And it's a good thing as well. I've lost some weight over the last few years. I've gained some of it back, but the majority of what I have lost, I lost for good. Throughout my journey to optimal health, I have a new found love and appreciation for exercise. It's not that I was sedentary before I lost my weight, but I didn't love it. I didn't appreciate the way a human body could change and transform. I had never experienced that sort of transformation. I always said I wasn't a runner. In 8th grade volleyball, we had to run from the middle school gym, around the high school tennis courts and back. In total, it may have been one quarter of a mile. But the one time I decided to give everything I had, and not come in last place, I ran smack into a handicapped sign, dented it, and got a bruise that looked like a teddy bear. Running was bad. I hated running, mostly because I was never in shape enough to run. My freshman year of high school, I chose swimming over volleyball, even though I loved volleyball, because I didn't want to be cut from the volleyball team for not being able to run fast enough. The varsity requirement was an eight-minute mile. That was intimidating to me because I don't think I could even run a complete mile without stopping to walk. I haven't ran an eight-minute mile yet, but I'll get there. Because I'm committed to changing my body and my lifestyle. 

Society and technology change too. And it's sure a good thing. Without technological changes, I wouldn't have met my boyfriend, and probably would have had a much harder time dating him for a year when we are 1,969.6 miles apart. I wouldn't be able to share my heart through this blog, or call my parents to just say hi. Without societal changes, I never would have been able to even date my boyfriend because he's black. I wouldn't have even been able to walk into the same restaurant or use the same water fountain as him. Change is good. For the most part, I would say that I welcome change. However, change also brings about controversy and conflict. Dred Scott > Civil War > Prohibition > Women's Suffrage > Gun Control > Gay Marriage > Marijuana Legalization > Syrian Refugees > Transgender Rights.

For some reason we are fearful of change. We are fearful of change as a nation, and we are fearful of change as individuals. I'm not going to go into my thoughts on each of the recent issues. Honestly, it doesn't matter for the purpose and point I'm trying to make. What matters is that change can absolutely not be feared. When these big issues come up, we can look into them logically, pray about them Biblically, explore them and form our own opinions, but we cannot for one moment let fear drive our lives. By living in fear, we are not living our lives to the fullest. We are choosing to swim instead of play volleyball because we are afraid to run.

I honestly can't stop thinking about and praying for the Pulse nightclub shooting. Initially, officials refused to recognize that the crime committed was an act of terror. I think they were afraid to say the word ISIS and admit that there are Islamic terrorists among us. They let fear drive their decision to withhold the fact that Omar Mateen declared allegiance to the Islamic State on a phone call with 911 during the attack. They let fear drive their decision to let people believe that this is a gun problem. They let fear drive their decision to let people believe that all Muslims are bad. We need to stop living in fear. A few days ago I saw an article that brought joy to my soul. The owner of Pulse seems to have committed to reopen the nightclub. I'm not saying that bars are good places to hang out, or that everyone needs to fly out to Orlando for the grand opening, but I'm proud. I'm proud that the owner is not letting fear ruin their lives. I'm proud that, despite the expected backlash and criticism, fear is not going to get in the way of honoring the victims and their families. Fear is not going to mask the fact that 49 people lost their lives and 53 people were injured. This world needs more love. This world needs Jesus.

When bad things happen, we tend to let fear dictate. We tend to stop our lives and live cautiously. God calls us to bigger and better things. He calls us to live life loud. We are called to let go of fear and allow God to drive our lives. We are called to love and to be loved by Him. Perfect love drives out fear. Over and over again, God tells His people to not fear because He is with them. He is still with us. This still applies. Isaiah 41:10 says, "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." He will strengthen us, He will lift us up on wings like eagles, He will uphold us with His righteous hand. Most importantly, He will be with us every single step of the way. We also aren't supposed to stay the same. We are supposed to grow closer to Him, and look more like Him every day. We are called to allow Him to transform our lives and move in our lives. When we have just the tiniest bit of faith in Him, we can move mountains, and bring the kind of change that this world desperately needs.

I've come a long way since my freshman year of high school. I'm more mature. I look a lot better. I don't let the fear of not fitting in stop me from doing things. I don't hate running anymore. I am actually starting to really enjoy it (I might even love it). I ran a 5K last weekend. I completed it in 36:03. That's not quite an eight-minute mile, but I ran the whole time (minus the couple times I thought I might hurl). Change might not be easy, but I welcome it. A lot of the times, change is good, and it's worth it. Embrace the friendships and relationships that don't change despite time and distance. And welcome the inevitable changes that come when we allow God to take our fears from us, and transform us into the person He wants us to become.

My God is bigger than my fears.

Goals, dreams, and all that interferes

Last week I told my best friend that my goal was to blog once a week. I'm determined to be an encouragement to those around me through my words and through my actions. I'm also an awful blogger. I never really know what to write about. So I decided to write about goals. And dreams. And everything that gets in the way of those goals and dreams.

My boyfriend is a personal trainer. So naturally, he's my personal trainer. We made up this plan while he was here for me to run three days a week, do other workouts two and rest two. It's been great. I guess it's been fun too. Until yesterday. Yesterday I was tired. I work with kids all day, and yesterday they seemed to be a lot more energetic than normal. Which meant, I was exhausted. I really just wanted to be at home, pop open a nice cold watermelon, cucumber mint infused water and do absolutely nothing. The only problem with that plan was that it was a running day and I hadn't felt like waking up in time to go running in the morning. For about 3 minutes, I seriously contemplated back and forth not doing it. It's not like I'm being forced to run.

And then I thought of my goals and of my dreams. My goals are to exceed my own expectations of my body and to push myself to new limits in order to fully use this body God gave me. My dreams are to run marathons and half marathons. And I mean run them. I have a dream to get to the point where I can run steadily for 26.2 miles without walking. It seems impossible. It seems like it would take a miracle. But I know that hard work and determination pay off, and I know that my God is still in the miracle business.

So I ran my intervals on that treadmill. My goals and my dreams were more important to me than my one moment of weakness and my lack of motivation. You know what? I beat my time. Hard work and determination work wonders. I'm excited to see what tomorrow's straight 3 miles brings.

And here I am, blogging. Because my goal of blogging once a week and my dream of one day publishing some books is more important to me than my lack of motivation and inspiration to blog.

There are a lot of things that get in the way of our goals and dreams. This week, for me, lack of motivation and being tired almost did it for me. Sometimes it's finances. Worry. Pain. Hurt. Time. Time is a big one. I find myself saying "I just don't have enough time for that" when in reality, I'm not making it a priority. I want to focus on my goals and my dreams. I want to make them priorities in my life. So I'll keep running and I'll keep writing.

What are your goals and dreams? What are you letting get in the way of them? What do you need to let go of and make less of a priority to make them happen? Do it. Today. Find someone to keep you accountable to them. Because teamwork makes the dream work.

I'm not a huge Christian movie fan. I find them excruciatingly cheesy and just have a hard time sitting through them. But I love football. And I love me some football movies. One great combination of the two is Facing the Giants. There is a scene in this movie where, as a team, they are talking about their upcoming game. The team leader doesn't have faith that his team can beat their opponents, but that they are too strong. What the coach does next is amazing. He pushes him to his limits and makes him give everything he's got to reach the goal. Brock goes beyond the goal and does even better because he gives his all.

Sometimes our goals and dreams seem like giants because of everything that stands in the way of them. Don't let that stuff weigh you down to the point of giving up. Keep pushing. Keep running the race. Keep motivated and determined to reach your goal because NOTHING is too big for you when you're relying on our living and active God. When your strength is gone, God will renew it. Find more strength in Him. Because He is the coach, and He says to us:

"Keep going. Don’t quit.
Give me your heart."

https://youtu.be/-sUKoKQlEC4

PS: if you have any blog ideas, hit me with them. I'd love to hear your thoughts!